Senior Minister of
State (SMS) Josephine Teo, who has been tasked to oversee the National
Population and Talent Division, has the unenviable task of getting Singaporeans
to marry and reproduce themselves.
With some couples
wanting to secure a flat before they decide on having children, SMS Teo views
that married couples do not necessary have to buy a flat to produce babies
because all they need is a small space to reproduce themselves – The Straits
Times report, “You
don't need much space to have sex: Josephine Teo on ‘no flat, no child’ belief”;
Wednesday 12th October 2016.
Marriage and producing
children are very personal affairs. We all have choices to make,
and the right choice can bring much happiness while the wrong one can see us go
through many difficulties. In this day and age, marriage appears to be
unattractive, and with reports of couples getting divorced rising, it puts
young couples off.
Indeed, getting
married and having kids are major decisions and with the high cost of living,
young couples are keener to build their careers and put marriage on hold.
That is why postponing motherhood is the choice which most newly married wives
opt for.
Ministers and Members
of Parliament must be careful what they say, else it will incur the wrath of
Singaporeans, many of whom are now more vocal. Some years back when SMS Teo
mentioned in Parliament that the Singapore Government cannot give love to the
people, it drew much criticism from many Singaporeans.
Criticism in which
many Singaporeans are upset over Ms. Teo’s insensitive remarks on marriage and
child-bearing have surfaced in the report, “All the facepalm reactions to
Josephine Teo's 'You
need a very small space to have sex' comment.
There are many ways
that we can help to entice couples to get married, and eventually, have
kids. And I would like to offer some suggestions. But at the end of the
day, the government must be willing to listen to feedback and even if it is
critical but provides constructive ideas, they need to embrace it because the
government cannot solve all problems.
IDEAS
It is far better to
approach this delicate subject in a more refined and polished way to promote
marriages and children. For example, the minister could have said that
children are the biggest adventure on earth and they help to make the family
complete. A baby, Ms. Teo could have added, can positively enhance the
relationship and bring the parents closer together.
With the stress of
exams, we must never rob kids of their childhood. Let them find going to school
an enjoyable experience,
What is needed to
motivate couples to sign on the dotted line is to hear success stories, and I
have in fact offered to speak on marriage at the Ministry of Social and Family
and Development (MSF) based on my 40 years’ care and love to my late
wife. Being married to someone affected by mental challenges is no
easy task, but I brought her to a full recovery because unconditional love
which I so unselfishly gave to Doris strengthened my marriage. Above all,
I MADE THE MARRIAGE WORK. That was the key message that I told the MSF
executive.
But my offer was
rejected outright because the MSF executive told me “I am not a marriage
counselor, and I don’t possess a university degree”.
It will be useful also
for such talks to be conducted at the Registry of Marriages when couples
register their marriage.
Even though my wife
and I did not have children of our own, it did not stop us in any way from
giving love to other people’s children and through this powerful bond, my
wife’s illness improved because children are not judgemental – they just know
how to give love.
The Government should
also encourage interracial and cross-nation marriages as it promotes mixed
cultures and religions where it also, to some extent, builds better bi-lateral
relations. But how can this take off when school fees for foreign students are
now being increased?
Sex is sacred,
enjoyable – and the right ambiance is needed to ‘create the mood’. Couples
can’t be having sex in cramped areas because it is uncomfortable.
Moreover, when sex is played up to have children, it cheapens the family
concept.
Another suggestion I
propose is to allow couples to rent flats first near their parent’s homes so
that if and when they have kids, parents can be requested to mind the
child/children when the couple goes to work.
To create couples in
just the right mood, MSF, and her partners should tie-up tie up with our
Singapore hotels for staycation over say 4 weekends in a year or till the wife
conceives. Rasa Sentosa would be a good venue – a home, away from home, I
might say. Once a child is conceived, reward them with a bonus holiday.
We need to give couples personal space, as opposed to cramped space.
Let us pamper the
couples and make it like their 2nd honeymoon. In support of the
government’s effort to provide a better quality of life to our seniors, such a
program could also be tailored for our elderly lonely citizens.
Raymond Anthony Fernando
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