Grieving is never easy to cope with,
but when you have kind-hearted people within the community who can to lift the
human spirit, it makes a big, big difference.
Although I was saddened to read of
the demise of Mrs. Foo’s husband who lost the battle with colon cancer in July
this year, I am happy to know that there are, in our midst, kind-hearted people
who know how to feel for another human being in the report (“Grieving widow
finds solace in neighbours”; The Sunday Times, Sunday, September 4, 2016).
With more than 90 percent of
Singaporeans living in HDB flats, where neignbours are physically as close to
us as our own relatives in our own homes, it is vital that giving a helping
hand or a listening ear is put into practice every day or at least when someone
has fallen by the wayside.
The single most important factor in
healing from loss is having the support of other people. Even if you aren’t
comfortable talking about your feelings under normal circumstances, it’s
important to express them when you’re grieving. Sharing your loss makes the
burden of grief easier to manage. And I am glad that Mrs. Foo has the courage
to talk openly about her loss.
The other advantage of being blessed
with kind- hearted neighbors is that they can be the ‘eyes and ears’ for you
when you go overseas for a holiday or on business trips. In such situations,
good neighbors can watch out for each other and their property. Living in a proactive
neighborhood can increase your family’s safety, as a watchful eye can help
thwart criminal activity and promote a safer area.
If you have potted plants that
requires watering once or twice a day, helpful neighbors can do this chore for
you otherwise your plants will wither away and die if it does not get the
attention it needs. To show our appreciation to such helpful neighbours
and to build on the healthy relations, it would be good if some souvenirs can
be presented to the neighbor who helped out when we return overseas. Such gifts
will be a constant reminder of good neighborliness.
At other times when you are short on
supplies for cooking, such as fresh ginger or chilies because you had forgotten
to buy these from the wet market, neighbors can help to temporary replenish it.
On a few occasions, my helpful Malay lady who lives 3 houses away from my flat
has willing given me these items, and in turn when I have extra groceries like
sugar, biscuits and ready-to-cook Maggie Mee packets, I would give her some.
My wife, Doris and I were blessed to
have some helpful and supportive neighbors when we first got married in 1974.
Our immediate neighbors to our right and left, both Chinese; as well as a
Malay family who lived 4 doors away from our flat were not in any way biased
towards Doris although they knew she had a serious mental disorder in
Schizophrenia which splits the mind when a relapse occurs.
They would rally around us, buy us
meals, bring us gifts during Christmas and comfort both my wife and me whenever
Doris was ill in hospital and returned home. It was good neighborliness
that helped prevent my wife from suffering from relapses for 5 long years when
we lived in our rental flat in Ang Mo Kio Avenue one; and I will always cherish
those wonderful memories.
Raymond
Anthony Fernando
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