Article: Service to mankind, as I go on the campaign trail

Mental illness struck close to my heart and the next logical step was to advocate better rights for the mentally ill.”

-  Raymond Anthony Fernando -

 “You’re a talented person, Raymond and you can be very successful.  But you have a lot of obstacles in life, so you have to very careful,” predicted Tania (not real name), an attractive Taiwanese lady who could foretell a person’s future. 

 

“Obstacles?  At work or in my personal life, Tania?” I probed.

 

“Both, my dear, both.  But you can overcome them, Raymond.  Your strength is your resilience.  And one day, you will go on to be of great service to mankind,” Tania concluded.

 

“Service to mankind?” I wondered what that statement meant.

 

Tania would call over every week at the TV station where I worked and we soon became good friends.  I would always have a warm smile for her and she would do likewise.

 

Tania’s prediction mirrored that of another colleague.  

 

“Raymond, look, look at the many lines on your palm!  You will face many difficulties in life, even though you are a talented and hardworking individual,” cautioned Mohan (not real name), a producer.

I have faced death right smack in the face in 1995 over a failed suicide attempt, but I am glad I survived.  Perhaps my survival gave me the strength to be a “voice” for the thousands out there who are suffering in silence.  Or perhaps, it was a mission that I was fated to undertake.

And having seen the growing number of people, both foreigners and locals lose the will to live, I decided to start lobbying for better support for the mentally ill and their caregivers as far back as 2005.  In fact, it was the birth of my novel, “Loving a schizophrenic” that spurred me on to write to the media and raise awareness of mental illness and to seek better support for psychiatric patients. 

On Friday night, 6^th March 2009, Mr Zhou Zheng, a Chinese national from Hubei, was found hanging in the balcony of his apartment at the Nanyang Technological University (NTU) – just five days after Mr David Hartano Widjaja, another foreigner leapt to his death.   These incidents are scary. 

People who are lonely or isolated and cut off from their loved ones can fall into depression.  This is also the case of our senior citizens who lose key social support after they have retired.  There were many cases of the elderly falling into depression and committing suicide in 2008.

Singapore's suicide expert Dr Chia Boon Hock who has spent 40 years collecting and studying suicide data, mentioned in an exclusive interview with the Straits Times on 22^nd April 2009 that there have been four major suicide peaks in Singapore over the past 100 years.  Dr Chia is concerned that the current recession may see more people committing suicide.  He feels that suicide is a sad reflection of society's failure to help those that desperately need help.  I fully agree with Dr Chia. 

Though advocating for the mentally ill is a seemingly thankless task, somebody has got to speak out for these neglected citizens.  Perhaps it is because I have seen how schizophrenia and depression has ravaged my wife’s life that I have this on-going passion to speak up for both psychiatric patients and their caregivers, many of whom are suffering in silence. 

Besides writing to the media, I have gone on national television ten times and on radio 11 times –  to create more awareness of schizophrenia and speak of the pain of looking after a loved one struggling with this horrifying illness.  On four of these TV programmes, Doris was also brave enough to talk about her battle with this brain disease. In addition, I was also interviewed by students from polytechnics and volunteers who show a keen interest in mental illness. 

I have been uplifted by the encouragement that I have received from so many people. 

“Raymond, you are a staunch advocate.  You are a “fighter” who is brave enough to write to the press even before the media contacts you. I have read practically all your letters to the forum pages in the Straits Times, New Paper, Today and the other newspapers and I'm truly impressed by your compassion for others.   That is what makes a true advocate,” Tammy, one of my faithful readers told me. 

“You are right, Tammy, I adopt a never-say-die attitude.  And it is encouraging words from people like you that keeps me pressing on,” I replied.

“Singapore will be a far better place to live in with people like you, Raymond,” one of my ex-bosses emailed me.

My journey as a advocate has garnered several commendations -  from letters and emails, including one from a 16-year-old girl who was inspired by my book (“Loving a Schizophrenic”) to pursue her interest in psychiatry.

This morning a friend who believes in my advocacy work asked me what my wish for 2018 would be. My answer:  To continue with my passion to fight for the rights of the marginalised and to become a world class writer and motivational speaker and to be able to find a producer who can convert my bestselling novel, Loving A Schizophrenic into a movie.

Let me now leave you with this inspiring poem:

Poem: No drifter, no quitter

 

I do not have to agonise and work for unreasonable people or bosses

For it will only end up in my having physical and emotional losses

I would rather work for mature ones

Then working life will be enjoyable and fun

 

Though I do not possess a university degree

God has given me eyes to see,

And a clear-thinking mind,

That has been tested many a time

I have hands to write,

So, I will excel and not give up the fight

 

When the chips are down,

I will not frown

All my life I have not been a drifter

I choose not to be bitter

And I am certainly no quitter

 

Failure can lead to success

And bring out in us, the best

I will not raise the white flag

My learning skills have brought dividends

And in acquiring knowledge,

There is never any time lag

 

Why do I need to indulge in self-pity?

When there are opportunities here in Singapore

Our beautiful lion city

Why do I need to bury my head in the sand?

When I can go out there and conquer with a bang

My poetry, my stories, my handful friends and my quest

These I have, and I can be the very best!

 

Sincerely,

 

Raymond Anthony Fernando

 

 

 

Raymond Anthony Fernando's letter to The New Paper: Help those with special needs at checkpoints

My letter to The New Paper on the above matter is published today, Thursday, 28^th December 2017 on page 10.

 

I am saddened that a 63-year old, Mr Mohd Ismail Abdullah, who was travelling with his wife from Kuala Lumpur to Singapore, suddenly collapsed and died at the immigration counter at the Sultan Abu Bakar Customs, Immigration and Quarantine complex last week.

 

Elderly people who are not so fit need better support at these road crossings as the long hours of the journey can sap their energy and cause serious health issues.

Most airlines give priority and help arrange speedy clearance for travellers who need special consideration.

There is bound to be a longer waiting period for immigration clearance these days as more detailed security checks are needed in view of the threat of terrorism.

 

So it would be helpful if a lane is allocated at immigration checkpoints for those with special needs.

RAYMOND ANTHONY FERNANDO

 

Footnote:

Airlines such as those in America allow travellers needing special consideration to board the plane first –no questions asked whatsoever.  Here this group requiring special assistance can board the plane before other passengers through a priority boarding.

The Philippines Airlines is yet another elderly friendly service provider. They give some priority to those with special needs. When boarding the plane, the elderly aged 60 and above will be allowed to move up the plane immediately after the passengers who have book the first-class flights board the plane.  

 

In the spirit of ASEAN solidarity, I urge the authorities from Singapore and Malaysia to allocate a separate clearance lane at the immigration check points for those with special needs – who include senior citizens age 60 and above so that they can at least have a proper place to rest, whether on board a bus, coach or plane.

 

Raymond's letter to The Straits Times: Be resilient, take all steps to preserve life

My letter on the above subject is published today, Wednesday 20^th December 2017.

 

I agree that instead of supporting assisted suicide, all steps must be taken to preserve life (A good life to the end, or a quick death; Dec 16).

Resilience can help us beat the odds and overcome adversity.

The world needs to learn a thing or two from the Philippines, where typhoons and storms destroy lives and properties every year - with the most recent one killing at least three people and causing thousands to be driven from their homes (Thousands flee homes as deadly storm hits Philippines; Dec 17).

Yet, despite the magnitude of endless calamities and suffering, Filipinos have not been known to raise the white flag.

They pray and they keep their faith intact, celebrating Christmas even in badly damaged areas.

Dedicated nurses who are well trained in palliative care - showing empathy, love and understanding - can contribute greatly to patients' well-being.

And it is comforting to know that Singapore has such dedicated teams in place at hospitals and hospices.

Raymond Anthony Fernando

 

http://www.straitstimes.com/singapore/be-resilient-take-all-steps-to-preserve-life

Raymond’s letter to The Straits Times: Do more to ensure the elderly are cared for

My letter to The Straits Times on the above matter is published today, Monday 18^th December 2017

It is such a sad state of affairs that some of the elderly sick are being neglected by their own families and have to find solace in dedicated and compassionate befrienders (Volunteers who ensure no one dies alone; Dec 10).

The volunteers who befriended Mr Tay Cheng Tian and committed to spending time with him till the end are heroes and a rare breed.

Feelings of loneliness and being unloved can have serious health consequences for the elderly.

It can shorten the lifespan of seniors who live in isolation. According to a study by the University of California, San Francisco, loneliness among the elderly increases the risk of an untimely death by 45 per cent.

It was also troubling to read reports of how the elderly in Japan have resorted to committing crime because of poverty and loneliness (More seniors taking to crime in Japan; Dec 10).

Those who neglect their elderly sick relatives need to do some soul searching. They must ask themselves whether they are making the effort to visit their elderly loved ones regularly.

Everyone, irrespective of their status in society, should be allowed to die with dignity and be remembered by their loved ones.

Attitudes need to change, and our schools, religious organisations and employers have to reinforce the message that filial piety should be observed at all times, and that taking care of our elderly should be part of our culture.

Raymond Anthony Fernando

http://www.straitstimes.com/forum/letters-in-print/do-more-to-ensure-the-elderly-are-cared-for

 

Article for zinniaAfternote.com: Beautiful nightingales who walk with us in our last journey

When we are in our final days, we need someone to walk alongside us. Whether it is a spouse, a parent or a close friend, leading by the heart and keeping the love flame burning bright and alive throughout the final moments of the person who is going to die will help a great deal for the dying to go off peacefully, happily and contented.  

At hospices and in some hospitals, palliative care nurses play a vital role in rallying around the dying who are reaching their final days, as well as providing emotional support to their immediate relatives.  Some of them will be severely depressed. Patients could be facing life-challenging illness like cancer or organ diseases, leaving relatives in deep worry and anxiety.

Besides showing compassion and understanding, the most important quality which palliative care nurses must possess is EMPATHY.

Nurses who are well trained to take care of the sick and help them to a full recovery must always be treated with utmost respect – and I admire all of them for their dedication and commitment.

To me, nurses who stand out are those who are trained in palliative care.  Many of these ‘nightingales’ develop a special bond with the dying patients so much so when those under their care passes away, it is not uncommon for the professional carers to cry their hearts out. In my opinion, those who cry can so easily feel for another human being because they have love in their hearts. And love unquestionably is a powerful healer.

Besides providing words of comfort that includes deep gratitude for the love that kept the relationship beautiful – in good times and bad, relatives holding hands of their dying loved ones will find that this is yet another effective communication tool to show love.  Palliative nurses also do this.

Nurses who showered me with love and tender care

During the late 70s when I was trying to cope with kidney problems where I was passing blood, I felt severely depressed as the pain in my back was unbearable. Each time when I wanted to ease myself, it was so painful when I had to ‘force’ the urine out of my bladder.  Added to that, I was worried sick about my beloved wife who had to struggle with schizophrenia.  I recognised the symptoms of my depression that was ‘haunting’ me and upon my wife’s advice got myself warded in the then-Toa Payoh Hospital which was directly opposite my work place in the national Radio and TV station.

It was during the few days that I was hospitalised that I discovered how beautiful and adorable nurses can be.  The Chinese nurse manager there who was in her fifties knew how to lead by example and despite her hectic schedule in the ward, found time to talk to both me and my wife.

I recall being unshaven for 2 days and I looked awful.

“Your husband is handsome and you are a loving wife, just can’t understand why he is losing the will to live.  You both must pray ok,” Sister Tan gave some motherly advice.

“No, he does not look so good, Sister, he is so unshaven,” Doris told the Sister.

“No true, Mrs Fernando, he is terribly good-looking,” Sister Tan shot back much to the amusement of my wife and the nurses. 

“Preaching again, Sister,” a female staff nurse teased.

Knowing that I was severely depressed with suicidal thoughts provoking me from time to time, Sister Tan asked a North Indian nurse in her thirties to talk to me at night until I slept. She was a beautiful nurse, not only in appearance, but she had a beautiful heart. She held my hand throughout the night, giving me lots of encouragement, and in the process, with some medication, I slowly came out of my depressed state.

I am not sure if the Indian nurse was trained in Palliative care ward, but boy she sure qualifies in that area.

Tan Tock Seng Hospital provides Palliative Care

It is heartening to know now that some hospitals like Tan Tock Seng Hospital have Palliative Care Nurse Clinicians whose services include:

1. Management of pain and symptoms
2. Psychological, emotional and spiritual support for the patient and family
3. Grief and bereavement support and counselling
4. Maintaining care continuity as the patient moves from hospital to home or to other institutions of care (e.g. hospice)
   Fulfilling a dying wish
   Like many others, I could not hold back my tears when I read of how an Australian ambulance crew in Sydney carrying a dying woman to hospital took a detour to grant her final wish – to visit the beach which she loved so much – for one last time.  The crew was patient to the palliative care unit of the local hospital. This moving account was reported on 23^rd November 2017.  True to every sense of the word, the virtue of empathy shone so brightly – like a sparkling diamond.
    
   I am sure when the lady passes on, she will do so happily knowing that love brought pure magic to her.
    
   Let’s value and cherish all our loved ones every step of the way, embracing a life of no regrets, but only beautiful memories to fondly remember for all the days of our lives.
    
   Raymond Anthony Fernando
   
   
   https://www.zinniaafternote.com/palliative-care-beautiful-nightingales-who-walk-with-us-in-our-last-journey
    
    
    

Raymond Anthony Fernando's letter to The Straits Times: Allowance to ease caregivers' stress

My letter to The Straits Times on the above subject is published today, Wednesday 13^th December 2017.

 

I second the call by Professor Kalyani K Mehta for the Government to provide family caregivers with a caregiver allowance (Families under pressure in ageing society; Dec 9).

It is just not practical for caregivers to balance caregiving responsibilities with activities such as work, household chores and other family commitments.

Those who are employed will most likely experience interruptions at work, frequent leave of absence and reduced productivity, as caregiving takes up so much of their time. There are some caregivers who are taking care of more than one relative, and this can be extremely stressful. This is more so when their relative has mental health issues.

It is not uncommon for caregivers to fall into depression when they suffer burnout. Often, they neglect their own health to focus all their time, energy and care on their charges.

Almost all caregivers experience financial stress associated with providing care. In fact, lack of funding and financial support is one of the biggest pain points that many caregivers will attest to.

Given that caregiving is often a 24-hour task, many have little or no choice but to give up their jobs, and this places them in severe financial hardship.

To this end, it will help a great deal if the Government provides a monthly caregiver allowance to enable caregivers to cope better.

Caregiving should be viewed as a noble responsibility rather than a burden.

http://www.straitstimes.com/forum/letters-in-print/allowance-to-ease-caregivers-stress

 

Raymond Anthony Fernando

Launch of Website: zinniaafternote.com: Beautiful, unforgettable memories

We are a group of like-minded individuals who are passionate in giving back to society with our primary objective of keeping the memories of those who passed on, very much alive. 

2. Death is often viewed as a taboo subject which most people avoid talking about. Yet dying is very much a part of life’s journey.

3. Our website, zinniaafternote.com, the first ever in Singapore, was founded on two fundamental principles:

(a) To enable everyone to be remembered.  As conventional obituaries are too costly for many Singaporeans, our website provides free online obituaries for any of these citizens who passes away.

(b) We want to improve individual and societal well-being through the expression of words. In reaching out to the living who have lost their loved ones, we are committed in helping them cope with grief as we rally around them in their recovery, taking into account the negative impact of post-traumatic stress disorders which is documented in many academic studies in the field of psychology.

4. Our flagship feature is the online time capsule, which is the first of its kind in the world. Scheduled emails will be fired to the recipients at the user prescribed date, 20 years, 25 years and beyond. For example, your child will receive your message at his or her 21th birthday, 30th birthday, so on and so forth. There is deep emotional closure and reassurance in play.  Moreover, this special feature will be beneficial to those with dementia or life-threatening illnesses such as cancer.

The media is a useful platform to highlight social issues, which we are staunch advocates of and to get the public to understand that it is perfectly alright to discuss death given that Singapore faces a fast ageing population.

I am now a Feature Writer and Public Relations Director of zinniaafternote.com, a beautiful website, the first of its kind in Singapore.

 

Our tagline: Life is a book. We fill the pages

Zinnia means remembrance, and Afternote means a note after the main body of a text. And in our case, the text is life, the main body is the deceased.

The zinnia flower has several meanings including thoughts of friends, endurance, daily remembrance, goodness and lasting affection. The Victorian meaning of zinnias is thoughts of an absent friend. Of the heart. Lasting affection.

More than 20 years ago, I was involved in Public Relations (PR) work in the then-Singapore Broadcasting Corporation (SBC) where I handled media relations, guest relations, liaison work, conducted tours and planning and executing VIP shows,

I loved my PR job, and in some strange way, another PR job now comes back to me.

The articles that I write have been well received from near and far. For instance, the article that I wrote on MY BLUE CHRISTMAS has, within 48 hours, garnered 1,500 likes, from Indonesia, USA, Thailand, Malaysia and here in Singapore.

We are going to launch our website in mid-January 2018.  

Do pass the word around &  rally around us to help us make this website a successful one.

Thank you.

Sincerely,

Raymond Anthony Fernando

Feature Writer & Public Relations Director

Website of zinniaafternote.com

https://www.zinniaafternote.com/about