A forum writer, Jeremy wrote to The Straits Times
today, Wednesday 14 March calling for support/jobs for cancer patients as he
spoke candidly about his own battle with this deadly disease.
Indeed, cancer is costly, far too costly –
financially, emotionally and physically.
Besides the patient going through enormous pain and suffering, their
immediate relatives who could include their spouse, children and siblings will
also have to struggle with uncontrollable emotions as they feel helpless.
When patients are hit by this life -threatening
illness, they feel that they are unable to manage or control changes caused by
cancer or normal life activities. The end result is that they become distressed
and will most likely fall into depression.
Stress has become increasingly recognised as a factor that can reduce
the quality of life of cancer patients.
Some 20 years ago, my wife and I were often awakened
early in the morning to the painful groaning of an elderly man who lived
opposite our block on the upper floors. We lived on the 5th
storey. It was so pitiful hearing his
daily cries.
Then one morning, we heard a loud thud on the floor of
his block. The man committed suicide. I guess the pain he endured was just too
much for him to bear.
There are several types of cancer treatment that is
available here. Some patents may need just one treatment for their cancer. Depending on how advance the cancer has
grown, some patients may require a combination of treatments that includes
surgery with chemotherapy and/or radiation. External beam
radiation therapy is used to treat many types of cancer. Brachytherapy is often used to treat
cancers of the head and neck, breast, cervix, prostate, and eye. Systemic
radiation therapy is most often used to treat certain types of thyroid cancer.
My sister-in-law, Bridgette who is married to my twin
brother Roy was fortunate because her breast cancer was successfully treated with
radiation therapy. In many ways, the
stress of taking care of her husband and her son who has a bipolar condition,
added with her own clinical depression took a heavy toll on her plus her
family.
Psychologists, psychiatrists and those in mental
healthcare don’t have it easy and their stress levels can skyrocket given that
everyday in their line of work, they have to listen to the problems of the
mentally ill, and at times, from their caregivers.
Dr. Joe Kahl, the Chief of Psychiatry at Kaiser
Permanente (USA) was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. After going through a set of treatments, he
thought that he was cured of the deadly disease. But he was so wrong. The cancer returned and Dr Kahl was given
only a few months to live. With kids to
support in college, the doctor who was under 50 years could not face his
friends. Devastated, he questioned why
he had to suffer such a fate when he had maintained a healthy lifestyle and
trusted in God.
"I
often wonder why I got cancer. I had
been good. I never smoked. I watched my diet. I exercised. I do not drink excessively. Never took drugs. I pray every day and attend church
service. From all signs I had been
living a model life. So, why me? Why me?" the despondent doctor questioned.
There has never been a satisfactory answer
to suffering. Human beings suffer
because there is no other way to mature and grow. But it is only through suffering that we can
become more aware. Certainly, awareness
is the key.
Awareness on any issue, including death is useful. For
instance, while cancer can cause much suffering, the good news is that it
prepares us for death. We know that sooner or later we will be gone from the
face of the earth. That is when relatives and the patient can plan well ahead
on what to do, such as sale of property sharing and monies among immediate
relatives, buying of a niche in a columbarium, making a will etc.
My late wife’s parents both died of cancer.
Doris’ father, Lau Pai Tee had cancer attack his brain, and within two days of
admission into a nursing home, he passed away peacefully. His was a quick
death. Her mother, Sim Bak Eng on the
other hand had to battle cancer of the stomach for some time, but being the
doting mother that she was to Doris never revealed that the lump in her stomach
was cancerous – even though Doris kept probing her mom on the unusual growth.
Her dad’s passing was not too big a blow to
my wife, but when news broke out that her mother was dying of cancer in Mount
Alvernia Hospital, her relapse of schizophrenia came fast and furious. More so
when she could only see her mom in hospital, but could not engage in
conversation as the cancer caused extensive damage to her body. Her mother
loved her dearly and she burst into tears when the nurse handed Doris a bunch
of grapes. Her mother knew that grapes was her daughter’s favourite fruit. The
grapes that her mother left for Doris was an invaluable gift to cement her love
for her beloved daughter. That tore Doris’
mind and heart apart.
The healthcare staff comprising of the
doctors and nurses at the hospital were understanding and tried their best to
comfort my wife. When I rushed down
after a company event, they were accommodating and allowed me to be with Doris
and my mother-in-law even though it was past the normal visiting hours. They
felt our pain.
During the funeral service, Doris never
stopped crying and I knew that it was just a matter of days when Doris had to
be hospitalised where Electro Convulsive Treatment (ECT) had to be administered.
At the wake,
relatives, neighbours and friends lined up to pay their respects to Doris'
mother and family. I knew that we had
to go through this mourning period together.
Reflecting on that time, I think my most helpful contribution was being
fully involved – sharing her grief, crying together and holding each
other. I remember how uncomfortable I
felt wearing clothes made out of gunny sacks.
But I tolerated the discomfort because I had to give my wife the vital
support during those most depressing moments.
For a couple of
years Doris could not get over her mother's death. Whenever a Buddhist funeral wake was held
near our block or when the hungry ghost festival began, she would start feeling
depressed. The chanting of prayers
reminded her of her own mother's passing.
I stood by my wife all the 8 months that
was needed to bring her to a full recovery.
It was yet another difficult journey in my life.
Indeed, cancer is such a pain.
Raymond
Anthony Fernando
No comments:
Post a Comment