For many years, my wife, Doris Lau Siew
Lang, before and after our marriage, had to stay “hidden” because of the blatant
discrimination of her mental illness.
One day I decided that to remove the
darkness in her life and bring ‘A Ray Of Hope’ to her and the millions of
patients in her condition. Then was when I decided to write this book entitled “Loving
A Schizophrenic”. But it was not plain sailing to get the novel out as
my wife was so afraid that people would humiliate and hurt her after reading
about her severe mental disorder in schizophrenia. It took me 6 months to write
the manuscript, but I had to wait one full year before Doris gave her approval.
As a safeguard, I decided to use pseudo
names to write the book. I would call her ‘Soo Mei’ and I would be known as
‘Daniel’.
The good news came 6 months after my novel
starting selling like hot cakes and when so many people came to me for help
after reading the novel. It was then that my wife decided she should not hide
her head in the sand and be open about her illness. We both did a press
interview and when readers read the article, much more came forward to buy the
book. The rest is history.
Doris has battled schizophrenia for the last forty
years. Schizophrenia is the most distressing of all mental
disorders. It is an illness that is often camouflaged and many people who
are inexperienced in managing this illness may at first believe that the
sufferer showing irritable, moody and suspicious behaviour has a bad
personality or is ill behaved.
The disease first struck Doris at the tender age of
17. Many people find it very hard to believe that I married her despite
her mental illness. In caring for Doris for more than three decades, I
have grown to love her more and more each day. I have seen this illness
ravage more than half her life and the journey, though very difficult, can be
rewarding when I see her enjoy life to the fullest.
My wife has been hospitalised in the Institute of
Mental Health (IMH) twelve times during our 37 years’ marriage and I have
witnessed all her delusions, hallucinations, depression and fears. Seeing
Doris struggling with the “demons in her mind” has been extremely painful for
me.
My long hours at work saw Doris spending many days and
nights all alone. The loneliness and the isolation saw her missing out on
her medications, resulting in relapses.
When Doris is in a stable condition, she is a loving
and kind-hearted person. But during her relapses, I become her emotional
punching bag. I have taken all her emotional outbursts quietly, allowing
her to scold, shout and nag at me because I fully understand how this illness
torments her, how it frustrates her.
Over the years, I have learnt to forgive my wife
as I fully understand that it is the illness and not her. Through my
experience in caring for Doris, I have learnt to completely separate the
two. Many people, including family members do not really understand the
specialised care that the mentally ill need or the unremitting emotional wear
and tear that caregivers have to endure everyday of their lives. This
illness is terrifying because it is unpredictable. It requires 24-hour,
minute-to- minute care.
If you wish to know about TRUE LOVE which can beat all
odds and how to be a noble and resilient caregiver, Loving A
Schizophrenic is the book for you.
4,000 hard copies of this book have been sold – both
locally in Singapore and in the USA, Thailand, Taiwan, Japan, Malaysia and
India. Manage mental illness, before it manages you.
Don’t hesitate, get a copy now. Just go to this link
and buy the book which cost just US $10.
Sincerely,
Raymond Anthony Fernando
Author, Mental Health Champion 2010 & Model
Caregiver 2007
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