Saturday, February 25, 2012

Bed crunch problem in subsidised wards depriving the elderly sick of proper medical care


On two occasions this month, I was placed in unnecessary anxiety in trying to secure a bed for my wife in Tan Tock Seng Hospital for her urgent arthritis treatment.  Reason: Bed crunch. This resulted in my having to send a flurry of letters to top management in the hospital as well as to the Ministry of Health to secure a bed for her.  

This bed crunch problem has not been resolved since the former health minister’s tenure, leaving the elderly sick of proper and decent medical care. I saw with my own eyes, a frail looking old man lying on the bed along the corridor in ward 7C on 2nd February 2012.  I asked the doctor how he would feel if his own relative was in that predicament. He could not answer me. 


Instead of making things easy for patients and their caregivers, Tan Tock Seng Hospital places unnecessary roadblocks in giving us the support that we so badly needed. They insisted that the ward number and bed could only be given to me on the date of admission and not earlier, failing to understand that I needed to make logistic arrangements like transport to ferry my wife to the hospital because of her severe mobility problems. 


What is clearly lacking here in the management of hospitals is a lack of empathy for the elderly sick and their family members.  The poor management on the part of the hospital causes frustrations and unhappiness to both patients and their stressed-out relatives. 

I know for sure that if patients wish to be admitted into the A class wards, they will get a bed almost immediately. It will be a sad day for Singapore when our sick are no longer treated like patients, but like consumers. Where if one can pays top dollar, you can get the best treatment. 

Although there have been repeated assurances from the government that the elderly sick will be well taken of, I do not see this promise being fulfilled.


RAYMOND ANTHONY FERNANDO







Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Letter to The New Paper: Others could have stepped in to help couple

My letter to the press is published today in The New Paper, Wed 1st Feb 2012, page 14.


I refer to the report, “Wife denies flirting, then slashes hubby” (The New Paper, Jan17).

Whilst many people are welcoming the Year of the Dragon and joining in the Chinese New Year celebrations, this family is grieving and mourning the loss of a loved one who died in a most tragic manner.

Patients who are suffering from depression and other types of mental problems need strong emotional support and medication to help them in their recovery. 

It is abundantly clear to me that the late Madam Boon Soon Leng who suffered from depression was crying out for help and for attention.

The number of suicides has risen, as more people who are unable to cope with the stresses of life will develop mental illness. 

The divorce rates have also gone up.

Police called

A neighbour living on the same floor as Madam Boon and her injured husband Mr Ng Tiong Lam, was quoted as saying that the police had been called almost 20 times to break up the fights between the couple. 

Why didn’t the police refer their marital problems and gambling addiction on the part of Mr Ng to the Ministry of Community Development, Youths & Sports who could have helped them resolve their problems?


Perhaps a life could have been saved if somebody just cared to get them help. But no one did!

I am told that in some western countries, suicide squads are on standby and will come down on-site to save and rescue anyone contemplating suicide.

Everyone needs to play their part in keeping our suicide rate down and helping people cope with the onslaught of mental illness. 

Government agencies must learn the value of teamwork- both within their respective ministries and across the civil service.

It’s also high time that the government sets up a task force to address mental health issues such as suicide, divorces and anger management, which are destroying lives and families.


RAYMOND ANTHONY FERNANDO


Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Saving Lives & Building the Community Spirit in Singapore

"Don't ask yourself what the world needs.  Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and go and do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive."  


- Howard Thurman, African American pastor, philosopher and author -



The run up to the Lunar New Year 2012 saw The New Paper (TNP) covering 3 reports that demonstrates that many people are unable to cope with the stresses of life.  Anger management, the high costs of living and the increasing number of people suffering from mental illnesses need to be addressed and tackled - quickly. Our suicide rates have also gone up, and so have our divorce cases.

TNP report 1

(a)  In the Woodlands chopper attack- “Wife denies flirting, then slashes hubby” published on Tuesday 17th January 2012, 59-year-old Mr Ng Tiong Lam was slashed in both arms and ear by his wife, 48-year-old Madam Boon Soon Leong who suffered from depression.  Madam Boon later died after falling from their 10-storey Woodlands flat.   The couple had been quarreling often over his gambling habits and her drinking sessions with men outside a foodcourt near their flat.
A neighbour living on the same floor of the couple’s flat told a journalist that the police had been called 20 times to break up the fights between Mr Ng and Madam Boon.

What puzzled me is that why didn’t the police refer their marital problems and the husband’s gambling habits to the Ministry of Community Development, Youths and Sports (MCYS)? A life could have been saved if somebody just cared, but sadly, no one did.

TNP report 2
(b) In another TNP report, “Woman sat naked on toilet bowl for two and a half years” published on Thursday 19th January 2012, Madam Leong Mee Yan who suffers from mental illness sat in the toilet for two and a half years, claiming that “there’s a force holding me down.” According to her husband, Mr Ong Kian Ann during her two and a half years stay in the toilet, Madam Leong showered only 18 times.  Mr Ong appeared helpless and was contemplating leaving her, but could not find it in his heart to do so. With the help of Mr Ong’ niece, he finally decided to call the police and got her admitted to IMH. With medication from IMH, Madam Leong’s condition is slowly improving, but her husband hopes that with physiotherapy, his wife can one day regain the use of her legs and walk again.
TNP report 3
“Knife attack in queue to see MP” published on Friday 20th January 2012 spoke of an angry handicapped man in his 50s’ who attacked a man whom he felt had jumped the queue. Police had to be called in and the handicapped man was later arrested.

Another foreign student dies mysteriously

In a separate incident, a 20-year-old student from China - Miss Lan Xing Ye attending a bridging programme at Nanyang Technological University (NTU) was found dead in one of NTU’s halls on the night of Friday 20th January 2012. Shin Min newspaper reported that a roommate told the reporter that Lan suffered from clinical depression.   

Task force urgently needed to tackle suicides, mental illness, and anger management & divorce cases

Given the increasing number of people, both local and foreigners who are unable to cope with the stresses of life, with several dying tragically, I urge the government to set up a task force to tackle the rising number of people suffering from mental illness, to bring the suicide rates down, to address the increase in divorce cases and to find sustainable solutions for anger management.  We are too economically driven that we forget that human lives are more valuable than anything else.

What is also needed is to intensify public education on mental illness. We must reach out to all sectors of the population, train grassroots leaders on how to manage the illness and train caregivers how to manage a loved one stricken with mental illness and help them in their recovery.
Building the community spirit here in Singapore

How much difference can one person make?  Imagine the impact of the entire nation working together to improve the community.

If you have been to IMH for meetings or attended talks there, you will find the word "KAIZEN" written on one of its rooms.  So, what is "KAIZEN" and how is it related in this chapter?

"KAIZEN"was created in Japan following World War II.  The word Kaizen means “continuous improvement”.  It comes from the Japanese words (“kai”) which means change or “to correct” and ('zen”) which translated means “good”. 

Kaizen is a system that involves every employee - from upper management to the cleaning crew. Every worker is encouraged to come up with small improvement suggestions on a regular basis. This is not a once-a-month or once-a-year activity, but a continuous all-the-year round process that encourages employees to submit ideas to improve the company's performance.  Japanese companies such as Toyota and Canon have staff submitting 60 to 70 suggestions a year.
I found the KAIZEN system very useful and applied it in my own scope of work during my stint with a big media company, as well as in the community work which I have been doing. 

Here are 3 proposals that I submitted to the government when I was serving in the government feedback focus groups.

( 1 ) Setting up a Singapore Wish Foundation – Idea submitted to the late President Ong Teng Cheong on 9 June 1999

I was deeply moved by a movie which I watched on the Malaysian TV network sometime in May 1999.   The film was based on a true story about a young American child by the name of Missy who was stricken with cancer.  Missy, who was dying from the deadly disease, had one wish before she closed her eyes – She wanted to visit the White House in Washington.   Her request was made through the American Wish Foundation – an organisation that was set up to fulfill the dying wishes of children stricken with cancer.  

Even though it was not easy to grant Missy her dying wish, given the high security at the White House, the staff from the American Wish Foundation went out of their way to grant Missy her wish, and the child even got the rare opportunity to meet former U.S President Bill Clinton.  The joy and happiness Missy experienced was indescribable and before she passed on, she was all smiles. 

Doris and I couldn't stop crying throughout the movie.  

“It's so depressing to see children dying from cancer,” my wife said, fighting back tears.

Missy's story played on my mind for one solid week. 

Then an idea struck me. 

“Doris, remember that movie we saw last week about that cancer child.  Wouldn't it be marvellous if we could start a movement like that here in Singapore to benefit our own child citizens?”

“You're  always full of  ideas and you care for children so much, Ray.  Okay, draft that proposal and I'll get it typed for you,”  Doris smiled.  “Who are you going to sell the idea to?  Not easy to get it implemented, you know?”

“Our very own President, His Excellency Mr Ong Teng Cheong?” I told Doris.

“President Ong!   Are you serious, Ray?” Doris was stunned.
 “Yes, President Ong,”  I repeated myself.   “He is a very caring person,”  I assured Doris.


June 1999
My three-page proposal was submitted to the President on 9 June 1999.  His three paragraph reply to me dated 14 June 1999 through his Principal Private Secretary was most encouraging.  The letter mentioned that the President was touched by my proposal and my concern for terminally ill children.  My suggestion was then sent to the appropriate organisation to consider.

However, the suggestion was not implemented at the time as the agency concerned felt that there was no need for a Singapore Wish Foundation during that period.  However, based on my proposal, the agency did agree to facilitate the receiving of such wishes if the need arose.  I was pleased to hear this.

I prayed that one day this idea would be implemented because I have a strong affinity with children. And that movie haunted me for months.


June 2002

A few years later, a group of professionals who included doctors, lawyers and consultants submitted a similar idea, and it was implemented.  I was happy that at last our terminally ill children would benefit from a suggestion that I had first mooted.

That aside, perhaps the civil service could have a system in place to keep useful ideas/suggestions on  file, and then review it  periodically to assess the suitability for their implementation.   This will encourage and motivate Singaporeans to come forward with useful suggestions that can make our country a better place to live, work and play in. 

( 2 ) News captions for the hearing-impaired – Idea submitted to the then-Prime Minister,  Mr  Chok Tong on 3 November 1998

Sometimes my wife and I will brainstorm for ideas that can improve the quality of the lives of all Singaporeans.  The hearing-impaired is certainly one group that needs to have a better quality of life.

It can be very frustrating to be hearing-impaired.  People do not usually understand the disability, and communication can be difficult.  We must understand that the hearing-impaired can be intelligent functioning adults.

Having seen how hard it is for this group to lead a normal life, we decided to put up a proposal that could help the hearing-impaired  keep abreast of current affairs.

We drafted a proposal - “News captions for the hearing-impaired” and submitted  it to the former Prime Minister - Mr Goh Chok Tong. 

Mr Goh came from humble beginnings and I guess he could resonate well with those in need.   

The idea to put out simple news captions on our local TV stations during the daily news, which we viewed as a community project, was to enable the hearing-impaired to relate to current affairs and by keeping abreast with current affairs, these less fortunate members of society would not lag behind.  We proposed that captions need not be too wordy- simple one liners that could spell out what the visuals were screening.  For example, when Princess Diana was killed in a car accident, the news caption could read:  “PRINCESS DIANA DIES IN CAR CRASH”. 

Statistics were produced to justify why the above suggestion could improve the lives of 5,009 registered deaf persons in Singapore. 

On  3rd November 1998, the idea was presented by Doris to Prime Minister Goh Chok Tong.
We were pleasantly surprised and pleased that the idea was considered for implementation when the Government Feedback Unit wrote to my wife  on 7th January 1999 to break this good news.  
Today, our hearing-impaired can keep in touch with news and current affairs on national television because we fervently believed that this idea was workable and that every citizen should have a place in society.

( 3 ) Using technology to enhance the lives of prisoners - Idea submitted to the then-Prime Minister, Mr Goh Chok Tong on 5 March 2004

Several years ago, I was requested by a lady friend to give moral support to a man who was arrested and put on trial for a crime.  The accused parents would fly in from India each time the trial convened.  Before the trial commenced, the accused would go on his bended knees and ask for forgiveness from his parents.  I felt sorry for him as well as for his parents.  It was costly to fly in and out of Singapore to give their son moral support.  Not to mention the lawyer's and court fees.  If the accused was convicted and given visitation rights, his parents would once again have to fork out more money to fly over.

Prisoners, I was told are given limited number of letters to write to their families. 

As I left the court, an idea came to mind.  I decided that given the limited access that families have with their imprisoned relatives, it would be helpful to use technology to enhance the lives of those who are separated from their loved ones.  Many a time when ties are restricted, spouses and children who may have to wait years before the prisoners are released can go astray. 

I presented my proposal - “Using technology to improve the lives of prisoners”  to former Prime Minister, Mr Goh Chok Tong on 5 March 2004.
In my proposal, I outlined the problems prisoners face when they are given limited access to their families and understanding the government's good intentions of giving prisoners a second chance, I suggested that the prisoner authorities could allow prisoners and families to link up with each other through emails.  Carried out weekly, these online letters could be screened by a moderator from the prison departments.  Computers could be given by corporate sponsors and seeing that this was a community project, I had every confidence that they would readily step forward.

Once families stay connected on a regular basis, chances of marriages falling apart and children going astray would be significantly reduced, I concluded. 

I was delighted to receive a letter from Mr Adam Chew - a staff officer from the prisons department on 17 March 2004 informing me that the feasibility of my suggestion would be reviewed and explored for possible implementation.

I'm not too sure if my idea has been implemented, but I fervently believe that our prisoners and their families will benefit if the proposal is eventually accepted.  Certainly, it can put Singapore on the world map.  And if the implemented idea is proven to be successful, our Government could perhaps, promote the scheme to other countries through diplomatic channels. 

I am confident that once prisoners in all parts of the world are given more opportunities to interact with their loved ones, we will, indeed, be giving ex-convicts a second chance, and in the process there will be lesser social problems everywhere - by way of fewer broken marriages, lesser children becoming rebellious, and a reduction in dysfunctional families.  Won't we then make the world a better place to live in?

In seeking to improve the lives of all those who are marginalised, maybe, we need to dream... the impossible dream.  

Improve the lives of our elderly and people with disabilities.

Many of our seniors citizens who have fulfilled their responsibilities in the past should be able to look forward to a better quality of life in their twilight years. 

MediaCorp TV and radio have a role to play in supporting our elderly.  Certainly a trip down memory lane will help to revive the beautiful memories that our seniors have of what they once enjoyed.

Westerns such as The Rifleman, Rin Tin Tin and The Lone Ranger also had viewers glued to the small screen. 

Ours seniors will definitely appreciate a revival of such TV shows along with comedies like The Jack Benny Show and I love Lucy.  I remember Jack Benny could  easily secure a laugh just by his body language.

I remember veteran broadcaster Mildred Appadurai hosting a radio show dedicated to the sick.   Listeners could write in and request songs and send get-well wishes for their loved ones who were hospitalised. 

Such a programme could be brought back as part of a community project to support the sick in hospitals and nursing homes. 
Studio apartments for the elderly

A Straits Times (ST) reader, Mr Douglas Lee wrote in to the ST Forum Page on Saturday 21st January and felt that the studio apartments built by the HDB was not as elderly friendly as it ought to be. He spoke of the limited space in the bedroom measuring 100 square feet that made it impossible for 2 single beds to be fitted in and yet leave room for a wheelchair manoeuvred.  HDB needs to understand  that many of our elderly citizens who apply to stay in studio apartments could be disabled and sick.

Kindness- Let’s pay it forward!
John brought his wife and six children to the circus with the intention of buying eight tickets.  When told of the price of each ticket, he realised that he did not have sufficient cash for all the tickets.  John was short of $50.   Disappointed, he walked way.  Another middle-aged  gentleman who was also buying tickets to see the show picked up the conversation between John and the ticketing staff, and saw the despondent look on the family.  The middle-aged gentleman decided to bring joy to the family. 

He then deliberately dropped $50 onto the ground - just behind John. 

“You dropped $50 from your pocket, Mister,” the kind-hearted gentleman told John. 

But John was very sure that the money was not his. 

“I figure you must have overheard the conversation I had with the ticketing staff  a while ago, sir,” John told the stranger.  “My gut feeling tells me that the money was actually from you.  Nonetheless, I am very grateful to you.  My family and I will now be able to enjoy the show and we uplifted to know that there are compassionate people like you in this world.  Thank you so much, sir,” John expressed  his  gratitude with a broad smile.

Imagine if everyone in Singapore who is better off can practise such kindness, wouldn't we see the starved being fed, the poor having a roof over their heads, and  those in third world countries living in better conditions.   

Caring for the elderly
There have been many reports of our elderly citizens who have died all alone. And nobody knows until a foul stench comes on.  There are several seniors that are living all alone – even in landed properties.  In the U.K, the government recognizes this problem and has decided to get teenage students- between the ages of 16- 20 years to do community as part of character building. So every day, they would knock on the doors of these elderly citizens to see if all is well.   “Good morning Mrs Brown, how are you today?” the students would ask.

This is a unique way to ensure that if there is no reply, the students can alert the authorities. Singapore should try this as a means, of not only reaching to the elderly, but of also inculcating in our students a sense of caring for our elderly folks.
Build an extra floor at the top of schools dedicated to the elderly
Perhaps some might view this as radical idea, but I fervently believe that it is worthwhile investing in given that by 2020, our fast ageing population will see many more Singaporeans hitting past 60 or more.

Have an extra floor in school buildings that can allocate space for our elderly citizens- it can be a daycare centre for old folks, where qigong can be practiced and activities organized by students and teachers for our seniors. End of the day’s activities with a breakfast served by the students and the teachers.

Sincerely,
Raymond Anthony Fernando 






















Monday, January 2, 2012

"When a man loves a woman" by Deborah Choo

After their first three dates, his girlfriend told him an astonishing piece of news that changed his life forever.

It was a "dark secret", 61-year old Raymond Anthony Fernando remembered of what his then-girlfriend Doris Lau Siew Lang told him almost three decades back.

I am schizophrenic, she had told him...........

Read more on this article on Yahoo, written by Deborah Choo that is going viral.


Tuesday, December 20, 2011

MRT BREAKDOWNS: More concern, please

Raymond's letter is published in The New Paper today, Tuesday 20 December 2011, page 18.  Several other upset Singaporeans have also expressed their views on this matter.



The chaos was scary.  Passengers who were trapped must have been filled with anxiety, and several had breathing problems. 


Imagine how worried their family members must have been?


The train operators need to show more concern for their passengers.


I saw a video recently of a lady who suffers from motion sickness who was fined $30 by an MRT officer for eating a sweet.  The officer refused to accept her explanation. Giddiness can cause a person to collapse, so some flexibility is needed in such situations.


Diabetics, for instance, can collapse if their sugar levels fall too low and may urgently need a drink or sweet.


Those who depend on public transport are rightfully upset over the service disruptions coming so soon after the taxi fare increases.

Now we are left wondering if we should carry a torchlight when travelling on the MRT.


RAYMOND ANTHONY FERNANDO


Tuesday, December 13, 2011

“Staying committed in a marriage”

“What greater thing is there for two human souls than to feel that they are joined together to strengthen each other in all labour, to minister to each other in all sorrow, to share with each other in all gladness, to be one with each other in the silent unspoken memories?”
- George Eliot (
Mary Anne (Mary Ann, Marian) Evans,

English novelist & journalist -



Introduction


                    Some friends who read my novel - “Loving a schizophrenic”, teased me into writing a book on how men could woo women.  Others, especially the bachelor boys, who know of my blissful union with my wife, Doris for more than 3 decades, joked that as a committed husband, I was “spoiling the market.”

 At first, I did not take them seriously. Then after reading many reports in the newspapers of how relationships have turned sour and even ugly, with some going to court, I decided to take up the challenge and share secrets on my successful married life in a book on marriage.  Aptly titled, “You by my side - How to stay committed in a marriage and how to value relationships", this book is a must -read not only for married couples but also for anyone who values human relationships.

               I am also concerned that our divorce rates are going up - from 6,904 in 2005 to 7,405 in 2010. 

              Mid-life crisis and Infidelity

             Loneliness, affirmation from another woman or man, and not getting enough attention from a spouse are contributing to sex outside marriage.

A friend of mine told me that every seven years our habits and lifestyle changes.  This is true.  For example, when you are 7 years old, you may craze about collecting dinky toys or wanting to read comic books.  When you reach the age of 14, you may want to start going to discos.  At 21, you may became very fashion conscious, wanting to purchase the latest designer shirts, and sporting the latest hairstyles.  This 7-year switch affects every one of us. 

             Infidelity has been a major factor in marriage break-ups.  It is estimated that roughly 30 to 60% of all married individuals in the U.S. will engage in infidelity at some point during their marriage. 

Infidelity appears to be spreading, even here in Singapore. 

In The New Paper report- “I can’t stop cheating”, published on Sunday11 December 2011; a married woman going by the name of “Nancy” has been cheating on her husband several times. Her husband, a religious man whose work keeps him busy does not know of her straying ways. Stricken by guilt, she would end the affairs after a short stint.  For Nancy, it’s her lovers that keep her occupied.

A tribute to my beloved wife

I have always wanted to write a book that pays a memorable tribute to my wife. I know that the 6 chronic illnesses that she has to cope with- including the dreaded schizophrenia and arthritis is going to shorten her life.  Just as I have made a lot of sacrifices for Doris, she has done likewise - for over more than 3 decades.  God bless you, Doris for inspiring me to write this book.  



Doris has often asked me this question which sometimes brings tears to my eyes: “Ray, do you think that you would have been better off if you had married someone else, someone who does not have mental illness?”



“Of course not, Doris!  I love you dearly and I accept you for what you are - illness or no illness,” I hug her and give her my assurances.



Patience- a must in a marriage

Patience is crucial in a marriage.  Sometimes, men unintentionally hurt the feelings of their wives by losing patience when they go shopping. Women, being meticulous tend to take extra time and effort to pick out items which they want to buy. But the husband becomes impatient and tends to hurry the wife.



It is believed that men speak 5,000 words a day; women 12,000 words. This is because women are by nature, more expressive, more articulate. But whatever we say, whether on the part of the wife or husband, we must be sensitive to each other’s feelings.  So let’s use words to uplift and bring joy to a partnership, not use words that destroy it. In a marriage, this is so important.



Coping with chronic illnesses

Chronic illnesses can also see couples fall apart when a spouse who could be the primary caregiver, can no longer carry the responsibility of caring for his stricken loved one.  Besides the illness taking a toll on the caregiver, there are also money problems such as mounting medical bills and loss of key social support that can contribute to lower marital satisfaction.   The caregiver must not only slog to bring home the bacon, he must also do all the errands, the housework and whatever is necessary to care for his/her spouse.   It is an enormous burden and often both partners, isolated from the world, take out their frustrations on one another.  And when they can no longer deal with this extremely difficult situation, divorce seems the only solution.



The power of prayer

I have also discussed the power of prayer in my book, for it is through prayer and my faith that I have managed to overcome huge adversities in my life.  Adversities which I will continue to face in my life as my journey in taking care of Doris is going to get tougher and tougher as her advanced arthritis condition continues to deteriorate. 

Any psychiatrist in the world will tell you that if you practise a faith, your journey in caring for a sick relative will become lighter. This brings to mind what took place during the SARS outbreak in 2003 when my wife suffered a serious relapse of her schizophrenia.  Her psychiatrist, advised me to go back to church and to pray because I found that her recovery was slow.  During that time, I had given up on God and refused to go to church. It was only when I faced a crisis that I visited my priest and pleaded for help.  He advised me to return to church and prayed for both Doris & myself.  Indeed, prayer did help, but it was a long haul- 9 months before she fully recovered.  

Excerpt from the Foreword written by my Parish Priest

I have known Raymond Anthony Fernando and his wife, Doris Lau Siew Lang for more than 10 years, and I have always admired how Raymond has stuck by his wife through thick and thin despite the many adversities he faces in caring for her and loving her.  Even though Doris has struggled to cope with schizophrenia for 40 years, and over the last 5 years with advanced arthritis, Raymond has not given up on her - not once.  During their 37 years of marriage, Doris has suffered 12 relapses of her schizophrenia and as a devoted husband; Raymond has always been there to help lift her up during her most depressing moments.   The stress and demands of Raymond's caregiving responsibilities has many a time seen him suffer ‘caregiver burnout’ and the threat of his own health including depression and anxiety is not something to be taken lightly.  Thankfully, this has not in any way discouraged Raymond from fulfilling his duty as a dedicated and committed husband.   He candidly shares with me that he draws his strength from the Lord. 

*****

The important things in a marriage

Marriage means you have allowed almost everything in your life to be shared with one person – your spouse.  This includes problems, decisions, joy, sorrow, and any amount of freedom you enjoy.  In a nutshell, a marriage means dividing the responsibilities and even the burden by two.



What is important in any marriage is the little things that couples neglect to do - like keeping in touch through the phone, sending emails when the couples are working overseas, etc.  During the period when we were both gainfully employed, Doris and I would keep in touch with each other through the telephone during the lunch hour.  Those phone calls, even if it was to chat for a few minutes, kept us closer together.  My wife still keeps in touch with me on the handphone when I am engaged in some part-time work or going about doing some errands.   Staying connected helps to keep the love burning bright. 

Love and sacrifices 

Doris is heavily dependent on me to provide her with unwavering emotional support that is vital in helping her to overcome illnesses, loneliness and adversities in her difficult life.  There are many occasions when I am out of the house; at times for just an  hour, and she would call me on the handphone and draw out her pent-up emotions: “Ray, I miss you, what time are you coming back, darling?”  And when I return home, she will hug me, saying: “I feel so safe in your arms, dear.”  So when one is caring for a loved one stricken with so many chronic illnesses, there is a dire need to make sacrifices.  This is why although I have skipped many social outings; I do not mind sacrificing my social life because Doris is more important to me than anything or anyone in this world. 



Coping with loss

Coping with the loss of a loved one is never easy.  What would Doris and I say to each other before we draw our last breath?  Generally, people do not like to talk about death.  Like mental illness, it is a taboo subject. “Let's not discuss it, let's avoid the subject,” many people would say.  Doris sees me as the most important person in her life.  She cherishes me as her soul mate, her whole world, someone whom she depends upon and relies on for most, if not her entire adult life.  But death is a destination that we all share and we can never escape from it. 



Conclusion

Although my wife's arthritis condition continues to deteriorate and will inevitably challenge her resolve, Doris still remains happy, optimistic and always positive.  That is because she's got me to care for her.

 Many people have asked my wife this question: “It must be really hard on you and Raymond as you as you struggle to cope with so many health issues. Both your crosses are very heavy. How do you, cope, Doris?”  

"The one thing that has kept me going despite my turbulent health is, love - the love that my soul mate and husband Raymond has, and always showers upon me.  It is with his love that I challenge all odds of my arthritis and schizophrenia conditions - and I will conquer all adversities with You by my Side... Ray,” Doris smiles and declares stoically. (* This is the concluding statement in my book). 

I ‘d like to end of this write-up , in typical style, with a poem- one that is intended to uplift my wife should I pass on before her.



Poem:  “Memories are made of this”

A tribute to my lovely wife, Doris Lau

My Dearest Doris,

You need not worry

For my novel told of our story

Which many regard as one of the finest ever told

It was about you, Doris

My beloved wife

Who has a heart of gold



Movies that we watched together in the cinema

In our room, gazing at the shooting star

In the hall, listening to music on the radio

Dancing cheek to cheek as love flows

Decorating the Christmas tree in December

These are fond memories that we can always remember 



The fragrance of your soft hair

The sacrifices that you gave

With so much love and tender care

The poems that I wrote for you

My undying affection for you that I so often declare

The songs that I wrote for you

Lifted you up when you were feeling blue



I’m sure when anyone of us goes to a better place

With angels and the Lord in all His Grace

We can live in the beautiful memories that we once shared

And when we reminisce, you will not be so sad, but glad

I want you to know that memories are made of this

Can be much more, for there are so many on the list



For anytime we are apart

I can feel you so close

Deep in my heart

The fond memories will always last

These are beautiful memories I cherish

And my love for you, Doris will never diminish

Sincerely,



Raymond Anthony Fernando

© copyrightraymondfernandoDec2011



Raymond’s book on marriage is expected to be out at the end of December 2011 or even earlier. There are some excerpts from his book that are used in this article. The book, running into more than 130 pages with 18 chapters, excluding mailing charges cost $16. If anyone wants to purchase this book, do drop me an email (rafcutie@singnet.com.sg ) with your contact details and I will arrange to mail the book to you. A postage fee of $2 per book will be charged to cover mailing costs if the reader request for the book to be mailed to him/her. 



Website of Raymond Anthony Fernando





Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Welfare for taxi drivers, no welfare for needy Singaporeans

ComfortDelGRo- a government linked company has announced that it will revise taxi fares effective 12 December 2011. The changes involve:

Basic fares: Flagdown fares will go up by 20 cents for most taxis. Meter fares will go up by two cents per fare band, over a slightly longer distance.

Peak hour surcharge: The peak period will be lengthened in the morning from 6am to 9.30am from the earlier one – 7am to 9.30am. Evening peak hour surcharges will now also apply on Sundays and all public holidays. It will run from 6pm to midnight, compared to 5pm to 8pm from Monday to Saturday at present.

The peak hour charges will be reduced from 35% to 25%.

 City surcharge: The current $3 city surcharge from 5pm to midnight will      apply on Sundays and public holidays as well.

Call cab booking fees: Those booking a taxi in advance will be required to pay much more - $8 compared to the current one of $5.20.

These taxi fare adjustment, according to the National Taxi Association (NTA) President Wee Boon Kim is aimed at improving the take-home income for taxi drivers and their families.

Really, Mr Wee Boon Kim?

But has the NTA ever considered what these increased taxi fares will mean for needy Singaporeans such as those with mobility problems, the disabled, the elderly sick, those with special needs and others who for one reason or the other cannot take the MRT or the buses? 

Has the NTA taken into account that many of those who are sick are asked to see specialists at public hospitals and polyclinics during these peak hour periods because they are “not allowed” to choose their time slots to see the doctors.

Has the NTA considered that by imposing these excessive charges, they are depriving families from meeting up with one another during the weekends or public holidays because given the hectic pace of the Singapore lifestyle, many Singaporeans can only meet up during weekends/public holidays?

Has the NTA considered that with these taxi fares increases, companies & agencies that allow for taxi claims, will incur higher operating costs?

City Cab and Comfordelgro taxi drivers have told me that for the first 7 hours that they drive the taxi, all their earnings go straight to the taxi companies. Many lament to me that if the taxi rental charges are reduced, taxi drivers can earn more, have sufficient rest and be motivated to drive. Why is it that the taxi companies do not want to consider this route?  All they are concerned about in reaping in BIG profits, and they have been doing that.  If the NTA is so concerned about the welfare of taxi drivers, why aren’t they considering reducing the taxi rental charges for their staff?

I, like many Singaporeans, would like to know who owns the taxi companies. Name the key shareholders.

Last Sunday, 27th November 2011, at my church, the priest mentioned that with the coming of Advent, we need to reach out to those who are isolated and lonely.  He mentioned that in a housing estate, an elderly lady wanted so badly to go to hospital because she was sick, but none of the neighbours wanted to help. Finally a catholic who saw what took place decided to call an ambulance and she was sent to hospital for treatment. 

The priest also mentioned that he has seen many of our elderly folks sitting in coffee shops all alone.  He said that they are lonely and have no one to care for them.  He called on the congregation to reach out to them- even if it was to simply chat with them. Social interaction that includes outings for the elderly is vital for their well being? But with these exorbitant taxi charges, NTA would be indirectly depriving the elderly of the much-needed social and recreational needs.

Is Comfortdelgro doing its part as a corporate citizen?

Singapore is becoming unbearable to live in. Escalating costs in Singapore is causing many to fall into depression and divorce cases are on the rise- often over money issues.   Despite assurances by the government that it will listen to feedback, the voices of those in need go unheard.

The proposed hikes by Comfort Delgro allows for taxi drivers to earn more.  But it places a heavy financial burden on the immobile, the disabled and our elderly poor citizens who are heavily dependent on taxis for their medical appointments and other social needs that is so important to their well-being. Many in this group are retired, have little savings and are struggling to cope with health and money issues. 

Earlier this year, despite so many appeals from the public not to increase fares on the MRT and buses, the public transport council went ahead and raised the fares. 

Now we see yet another fare hike. And it is always the same old excuse - rapidly rising operating costs, especially diesel prices. 

My wife who has mobility issues because of her advanced arthritis conditions and other health issues has an average of 8-9 medical appointments in a month. Based on the current taxi fare charges, I would have to spend about $160 to 180 per month, and mind you, I don’t have a full-time job.  There is little or no consideration for the sick and those with special needs. These revised taxi charges are going to dip a deeper hole in my pocket.

Often, to avoid paying the peak hour charges, which current kicks off at 7am in the morning, my wife and I have to leave the house at 6am for her medical appointments at public hospitals. She is on heavy tranquilizers to mange her schizophrenia and depression.

This total lack of consideration for the sick, especially those who are marginalized clearly demonstrates how money has become the “do all and end all.” On top of that, you leave those who are neglected in society to feel that Singapore is not the best home to live in.

In closing, I leave you with this letter which I wrote to the press in August this year. This letter and more than a hundred letters that I wrote to the press over 6 years, pleading for support for the mentally ill and the needy, has gone unanswered. Tells a story, doesn’t it?

Letter to The New Paper: Better subsidy for the disabled, please

My letter on the above matter is published in The New Paper today, Friday 5 August 2011.


Going by what has been aired in the media – online, the airwaves and in print, there is clearly much unhappiness about the impending fare hike in public transport fares.


People with disabilities face huge roadblocks in their lives and the lack of support makes it difficult for these marginalised citizens to move on in life.


Family members who are the backbone for such needy citizens could certainly do with financial support, improved access to support and services in their communities.


I am disappointed that the National Council of Social Services' taxi subsidies for disabled people apply only to the trips made in work or school.

 
Why are subsidies not extended for trips to hospitals and clinics? Perhaps, even to recreational trips which are crucial in helping the disabled reintegrate into society?

 
For people who have to make many trips to various clinics and hospitals, like my wife, cab fare can be about $160 per month, not counting peak-hour surcharges.

 
I hope the Government can look into this area. If Singapore is moving towards becoming an inclusive society, it is only logical to show compassion, understanding and support for these needy citizens.

 
RAYMOND ANTHONY FERNANDO


Raymond Anthony Fernando, a part-time writer and motivational speaker, writes on social issues and mental health matters. He runs a website at: www.rayofhope.per.sg/
Check out my latest radio interview on 938 LIVE- Here on podcast:
http://entertainment.xin.msn.com/en/radio/podcast/938live.aspx?cp-documentid=5172874