Heartland folk need much help: Raymond's letter to the press

My letter on the above matter is published today in the New Paper, Wednesday 3 march 2010, page 18.

I refer to reader Lionel De Souza's letter, “ There are many who do care” (The New Paper, Mar 2).

The time and efforts put in by Mr De Souza and volunteers from the Barker Road Methodist church to bring love and joy to psychiatric patients at Sunlove Home is generous, and I appreciate that.

But what is needed is for volunteers, including grassroots leaders like Mr De Souza, to reach out to the vulnerable groups living in the heartlands- the elderly, those struggling with mental illness and their caregivers and Singaporeans who are living alone.

To reduce the growing number of sufferers of mental illness and families from alienation and tragedies, we must cast our nets wider.

Recently well-known celebrity Marie Osmond's 18-year-old son, who suffered from depression committed suicide. In his farewell note, he mentioned that he had no friends. He was crying out for help.


This is precisely how people with mental illness feel and it is crucial to reach out to these citizens who feel neglected. It is best if the outreach to these groups is Government-led.

We must get past the stigma of mental illness so that we can start the process of healing. An illness of the mind is very difficult to cope with, especially if the caregiver has to care for his stricken one with no family support. I am speaking from my own experience.

I read this quote from someone on Facebook and it sums exactly how befrienders can help improve the lives of those who are isolated and feel uncared for: “Friends are like street lights along the road, they don't make the distance any shorter but they light up the path and make the walk worthwhile” .

I am not getting the support that I desperately need. So, will Mr De Souza and his volunteers walk alongside my wife and I? Will you befriend us?

RAYMOND ANTHONY FERNANDO

Thank you Rev. Fr Michael Sitaram (Fr Mike) \for your wonderful support!

Dear Rev Fr Mike,

My wife & I would like to record our deepest appreciation to you for the wonderful support that you gave us during the sale of our book- the 2nd collection of children's stories (The glass slippers & other stories for children).

During just 3 masses, the last 102 books were sold and when I came home before the 11am mass, it brought sheer joy on my wife's face. You have done so much for us, Fr Mike and you have made our Lunar New Year this year & Christmas last year so delightful simply because you care for our well being. This is so generous of you.

I also wish to record my heartfelt thanks to Fr Erbin Fernandez who is also a wonderful & caring priest. He knows how to feel the suffering of those who are isolated and lonely.

Cecilia Frances' was also remarkable and the student volunteers she secured for me from the children's liturgy did a fantastic job! It is so encouraging that good values are imparted in our youth by you, Fr Mike and Cecilia.

My appreciation to your support staff- Juliana, Nancy, Elizabeth & Vijaya who provided me with the much needed assistance. Vijaya went the extra mile in preparing nice coffee(On the rocks) & Orange juice(on the rocks) that made me feel so at home. She is such a fine person!

Last but not least, my sincere thanks to your parishioners who supported our books and gave comforting words.

Fr Mike, you & your kind-hearted Catholics have walked alongside us and brought light to us at the end of the dark tunnel that we often travel through. God Bless all of you & I will pray that all of you have good health in the years ahead!

Sincerely,

Raymond Anthony Fernando

Raymond's letter to the New paper: We don't often see people showing care & compassion for mentally ill

My letter on the above matter was published the New Paper today, Saturday 27th Feb 2010.

I refer to the report, “ I don't blame mum, I blame myself” (The New Paper, 25 Feb).

I am glad that Justice Kan Ting Chui has shown compassion in sentencing Madam Goh Hai Eng to only 5 years jail.

I have every confidence that with daily medication in prison, Goh will recover and can be reunited with her family under happier circumstances after she has served her term in jail. Perhaps with good behaviour, she can be released earlier.

Goh's lawyers, Mr Subas Anandan and Mr Sundil Sudheesan who provided legal services to her for free are truly generous.

We don't often see citizens showing care and concern for the mentally ill.

Like Goh, many psychiatric patients and their caregivers are plagued with financial woes. It is crucial for the Government to raise funds for this group of citizens on a national level.

The yellow ribbon project has been highly succesful because there is very strong political support at ministerial level.

I urge the Government to understand the hardship that sufferers of mental illness and their families continue to face in their daily lives.

Do not neglect us for we are also human beings who, like anyone else, need love, understanding and support.

Certaintly, with better support from the Government, more such tragedies can be avoided.

Family members for their part must ensure that their stricken ones do not miss out on their medical appointments and medications.

People with mental illness just need one person to love them and with medication, they will recover- period. My wife who has schizophrenia is a case in point.

With the Mental Capcity Act going into operation on 1st Mar, I encourage patients and their caregivers to have a look at the Lasting Power Of Attorney (LAP) as it helps to give better protection for anyone who becomes mentally incapacitated.

RAYMOND ANTHONY FERNANDO

A beautiful & unforgettable dining experience, courtesy of Rose Boon & her charismatic group

“Friends are like street lights along the road, they don't make the distance any shorter but they light up the path and make the walk worthwhile!”

On Tuesday 23rd February 2010, Rose Boon, her sister, Frances and friends Gwen & Jan treated my wife, Doris & I to a sumptuous Lunar New Year Dinner at the Singapore Island Country Club. Rose and her team are members of the charismatic group from the Church of St Ignatius. Rose has always been very supportive to both Doris and I and these thoughtful gestures certainly have helped in my wife's recovery from schizophrenia. Indeed the love and kindness that she has displayed for several years will live in our hearts forever.

This is a strange cpoincidence: Some 30 years ago, during my public relations stint in broadcasting, I was one of the three staff who hosted a lunch for a former VVIP at this prestigious club. And now 30 years later, I sat there tucking in on the delicious dishes, and beautiful memories came streaming back. I never dreamt that I would one day come back to this place and enjoy the lovely ambience and GREAT food, with GREAT fellowship. I was actually a rose among the thorns or should I say a torn among the pretty roses.

Doris loves cooked lobsters, but because we cannot afford this dish, we have opted not to buy it. But through the kindness of the Lord who is the “Listener to every conversation”, Doris was able to enjoy lobsters that were flown in from Boston. This was made possible by Rose and company. The fellowship that night was simply fantastic and when we reached home at 8.45pm Doris slept like a baby – contented, happy, pleased to know that wonderful Catholics sent by the Lord made her Lunar New Year in 2010 so very special. My wife felt so loved and even though her family members do not see the need to spend a few minutes to visit or talk to her, God sent His lovely children in the form of these kind-hearted charismatic members to more than make up for the love that is clearly lacking in my wife's family.

Praise the Lord for you have shown us the Light at the end of the Dark Tunnel!

Sincerely,

Raymond Anthony Fernando

myLovematters Magazine

myLovematters Magazine


Dear friends,

myLovematters is a magazine in full colour that focuses on healthy relationship, people doing charity work and how LOVE plays a key role in helping all of us to stay committed to our loved ones. My journey in caring for my wife, Doris is highlighted in a 3-page article in the concept issue that just came out in mid-February 2010. It is a lovely magazine and a must-read for all of us who want to build healthy relationships. If any of you are interested to get a copy do contact me(I'm the part-time Freelance Subscription Manager). My email adress is; rafcutie@singnet.com.sg
The cost of one year's subscription (4 issues per year) is $22 (postage included) . Get a glimpse of this magazine at this website: http://www.mylovematters.net/

Raymond Anthony Fernando

CNA's TV Talking Point on Sunday 21st Feb 2010- The Mental Capacity Act

This Sunday, 21st Feb 2010 at 10.10pm, ChannelNewsAsia will broadcast the popular TV talk show, “Talking Point”. The topic for this Sunday will be about the Mental Capacity Act, which comes into operation on 1st March 2010.

Debra Soon, the host of this programme will have a panel discussion with 3 guests who include:

(A) Lawyer Ms Kuah Boon Theng

(B) Ex: Director of Rainbow Centre, Ms June Tham

(c ) Caregiver Raymond Anthony Fernando


This will be my 6th TV appearance discussing mental illness on National TV. I was told that this programme can also be viewed on the internet and in countries where CNA's programmes are beamed.

Do look out for this programme as it is very insightful!

Sincerely,

Raymond Anthony Fernando

Love conquers all

Having witnessed how my parent's marriage broke down due to my father's womanising ways, I made a vow to myself 35 years ago: The woman I marry, whoever she is, I will love forever. And I would love and care for her in sickness and in health, for better or for worse.

Little did I realise that the day I met my wife, Doris Lau Siew Lang, I would have to fulfill that promise to the letter. Indeed this was the woman that would change my life – dramatically.

Unlike the many girls that I dated, Doris was very down-to-earth. We met as pen pals.

I found her to be sincere and caring. This was the main reason why I accepted her as my wife. As our relationship grew, Doris revealed to me her closely guarded secret: She was stricken with schizophrenia at the tender age of 17. Many people find it hard to believe that I married Doris despite knowing that she has one of the most distressing mental disorders.

But strange as it may sound, in caring for Doris for more than three decades, I have grown to love her more and more each day. I have seen this illness ravage more than half her life and the journey, though very difficult, can be rewarding when I see her enjoy life to the fullest. With my undying love for Doris, she has recovered from her illness and is today, the author of 5 books.

As I celebrate my 60th birthday this Valentine's Day, Doris and I will reflect on the beautiful memories we shared together for 35 years as husband and wife. Certainly, Love conquers all.

RAYMOND ANTHONY FERNANDO