Ray of Light

Letter to The New Paper: Others could have stepped in to help couple

2012-02-01T07:51:00.000+08:00

My letter to the press is published today in The New Paper, Wed 1^st Feb 2012, page 14.

I refer to the report, “Wife denies flirting, then slashes hubby” (The New Paper, Jan17).

Whilst many people are welcoming the Year of the Dragon and joining in the Chinese New Year celebrations, this family is grieving and mourning the loss of a loved one who died in a most tragic manner.

Patients who are suffering from depression and other types of mental problems need strong emotional support and medication to help them in their recovery.

It is abundantly clear to me that the late Madam Boon Soon Leng who suffered from depression was crying out for help and for attention.

The number of suicides has risen, as more people who are unable to cope with the stresses of life will develop mental illness.

The divorce rates have also gone up.

Police called

A neighbour living on the same floor as Madam Boon and her injured husband Mr Ng Tiong Lam, was quoted as saying that the police had been called almost 20 times to break up the fights between the couple.

Why didn’t the police refer their marital problems and gambling addiction on the part of Mr Ng to the Ministry of Community Development, Youths & Sports who could have helped them resolve their problems?

Perhaps a life could have been saved if somebody just cared to get them help. But no one did!

I am told that in some western countries, suicide squads are on standby and will come down on-site to save and rescue anyone contemplating suicide.

Everyone needs to play their part in keeping our suicide rate down and helping people cope with the onslaught of mental illness.

Government agencies must learn the value of teamwork- both within their respective ministries and across the civil service.

It’s also high time that the government sets up a task force to address mental health issues such as suicide, divorces and anger management, which are destroying lives and families.

RAYMOND ANTHONY FERNANDO

Saving Lives & Building the Community Spirit in Singapore

2012-01-24T16:42:00.002+08:00

"Don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and go and do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive."

- Howard Thurman, African American pastor, philosopher and author -

The run up to the Lunar New Year 2012 saw The New Paper (TNP) covering 3 reports that demonstrates that many people are unable to cope with the stresses of life. Anger management, the high costs of living and the increasing number of people suffering from mental illnesses need to be addressed and tackled - quickly. Our suicide rates have also gone up, and so have our divorce cases.

TNP report 1

(a) In the Woodlands chopper attack- “Wife denies flirting, then slashes hubby” published on Tuesday 17^th January 2012, 59-year-old Mr Ng Tiong Lam was slashed in both arms and ear by his wife, 48-year-old Madam Boon Soon Leong who suffered from depression. Madam Boon later died after falling from their 10-storey Woodlands flat. The couple had been quarreling often over his gambling habits and her drinking sessions with men outside a foodcourt near their flat.

A neighbour living on the same floor of the couple’s flat told a journalist that the police had been called 20 times to break up the fights between Mr Ng and Madam Boon.

What puzzled me is that why didn’t the police refer their marital problems and the husband’s gambling habits to the Ministry of Community Development, Youths and Sports (MCYS)? A life could have been saved if somebody just cared, but sadly, no one did.

TNP report 2

(b) In another TNP report, “Woman sat naked on toilet bowl for two and a half years” published on Thursday 19^th January 2012, Madam Leong Mee Yan who suffers from mental illness sat in the toilet for two and a half years, claiming that “there’s a force holding me down.” According to her husband, Mr Ong Kian Ann during her two and a half years stay in the toilet, Madam Leong showered only 18 times. Mr Ong appeared helpless and was contemplating leaving her, but could not find it in his heart to do so. With the help of Mr Ong’ niece, he finally decided to call the police and got her admitted to IMH. With medication from IMH, Madam Leong’s condition is slowly improving, but her husband hopes that with physiotherapy, his wife can one day regain the use of her legs and walk again.

TNP report 3

“Knife attack in queue to see MP” published on Friday 20^th January 2012 spoke of an angry handicapped man in his 50s’ who attacked a man whom he felt had jumped the queue. Police had to be called in and the handicapped man was later arrested.

Another foreign student dies mysteriously

In a separate incident, a 20-year-old student from China - Miss Lan Xing Ye attending a bridging programme at Nanyang Technological University (NTU) was found dead in one of NTU’s halls on the night of Friday 20^th January 2012. Shin Min newspaper reported that a roommate told the reporter that Lan suffered from clinical depression.

Task force urgently needed to tackle suicides, mental illness, and anger management & divorce cases

Given the increasing number of people, both local and foreigners who are unable to cope with the stresses of life, with several dying tragically, I urge the government to set up a task force to tackle the rising number of people suffering from mental illness, to bring the suicide rates down, to address the increase in divorce cases and to find sustainable solutions for anger management. We are too economically driven that we forget that human lives are more valuable than anything else.

What is also needed is to intensify public education on mental illness. We must reach out to all sectors of the population, train grassroots leaders on how to manage the illness and train caregivers how to manage a loved one stricken with mental illness and help them in their recovery.

Building the community spirit here in Singapore

How much difference can one person make? Imagine the impact of the entire nation working together to improve the community.

If you have been to IMH for meetings or attended talks there, you will find the word "KAIZEN" written on one of its rooms. So, what is "KAIZEN" and how is it related in this chapter?

"KAIZEN"was created in Japan following World War II. The word Kaizen means “continuous improvement”. It comes from the Japanese words (“kai”) which means change or “to correct” and ('zen”) which translated means “good”.

Kaizen is a system that involves every employee - from upper management to the cleaning crew. Every worker is encouraged to come up with small improvement suggestions on a regular basis. This is not a once-a-month or once-a-year activity, but a continuous all-the-year round process that encourages employees to submit ideas to improve the company's performance. Japanese companies such as Toyota and Canon have staff submitting 60 to 70 suggestions a year.

I found the KAIZEN system very useful and applied it in my own scope of work during my stint with a big media company, as well as in the community work which I have been doing.

Here are 3 proposals that I submitted to the government when I was serving in the government feedback focus groups.

( 1 ) Setting up a Singapore Wish Foundation – Idea submitted to the late President Ong Teng Cheong on 9 June 1999

I was deeply moved by a movie which I watched on the Malaysian TV network sometime in May 1999. The film was based on a true story about a young American child by the name of Missy who was stricken with cancer. Missy, who was dying from the deadly disease, had one wish before she closed her eyes – She wanted to visit the White House in Washington. Her request was made through the American Wish Foundation – an organisation that was set up to fulfill the dying wishes of children stricken with cancer.

Even though it was not easy to grant Missy her dying wish, given the high security at the White House, the staff from the American Wish Foundation went out of their way to grant Missy her wish, and the child even got the rare opportunity to meet former U.S President Bill Clinton. The joy and happiness Missy experienced was indescribable and before she passed on, she was all smiles.

Doris and I couldn't stop crying throughout the movie.

“It's so depressing to see children dying from cancer,” my wife said, fighting back tears.

Missy's story played on my mind for one solid week.

Then an idea struck me.

“Doris, remember that movie we saw last week about that cancer child. Wouldn't it be marvellous if we could start a movement like that here in Singapore to benefit our own child citizens?”

“You're always full of ideas and you care for children so much, Ray. Okay, draft that proposal and I'll get it typed for you,” Doris smiled. “Who are you going to sell the idea to? Not easy to get it implemented, you know?”

“Our very own President, His Excellency Mr Ong Teng Cheong?” I told Doris.

“President Ong! Are you serious, Ray?” Doris was stunned.

“Yes, President Ong,” I repeated myself. “He is a very caring person,” I assured Doris.

June 1999

My three-page proposal was submitted to the President on 9 June 1999. His three paragraph reply to me dated 14 June 1999 through his Principal Private Secretary was most encouraging. The letter mentioned that the President was touched by my proposal and my concern for terminally ill children. My suggestion was then sent to the appropriate organisation to consider.

However, the suggestion was not implemented at the time as the agency concerned felt that there was no need for a Singapore Wish Foundation during that period. However, based on my proposal, the agency did agree to facilitate the receiving of such wishes if the need arose. I was pleased to hear this.

I prayed that one day this idea would be implemented because I have a strong affinity with children. And that movie haunted me for months.

June 2002

A few years later, a group of professionals who included doctors, lawyers and consultants submitted a similar idea, and it was implemented. I was happy that at last our terminally ill children would benefit from a suggestion that I had first mooted.

That aside, perhaps the civil service could have a system in place to keep useful ideas/suggestions on file, and then review it periodically to assess the suitability for their implementation. This will encourage and motivate Singaporeans to come forward with useful suggestions that can make our country a better place to live, work and play in.

( 2 ) News captions for the hearing-impaired – Idea submitted to the then-Prime Minister, Mr Chok Tong on 3 November 1998

Sometimes my wife and I will brainstorm for ideas that can improve the quality of the lives of all Singaporeans. The hearing-impaired is certainly one group that needs to have a better quality of life.

It can be very frustrating to be hearing-impaired. People do not usually understand the disability, and communication can be difficult. We must understand that the hearing-impaired can be intelligent functioning adults.

Having seen how hard it is for this group to lead a normal life, we decided to put up a proposal that could help the hearing-impaired keep abreast of current affairs.

We drafted a proposal - “News captions for the hearing-impaired” and submitted it to the former Prime Minister - Mr Goh Chok Tong.

Mr Goh came from humble beginnings and I guess he could resonate well with those in need.

The idea to put out simple news captions on our local TV stations during the daily news, which we viewed as a community project, was to enable the hearing-impaired to relate to current affairs and by keeping abreast with current affairs, these less fortunate members of society would not lag behind. We proposed that captions need not be too wordy- simple one liners that could spell out what the visuals were screening. For example, when Princess Diana was killed in a car accident, the news caption could read: “PRINCESS DIANA DIES IN CAR CRASH”.

Statistics were produced to justify why the above suggestion could improve the lives of 5,009 registered deaf persons in Singapore.

On 3^rd November 1998, the idea was presented by Doris to Prime Minister Goh Chok Tong.

We were pleasantly surprised and pleased that the idea was considered for implementation when the Government Feedback Unit wrote to my wife on 7^th January 1999 to break this good news.

Today, our hearing-impaired can keep in touch with news and current affairs on national television because we fervently believed that this idea was workable and that every citizen should have a place in society.

( 3 ) Using technology to enhance the lives of prisoners - Idea submitted to the then-Prime Minister, Mr Goh Chok Tong on 5 March 2004

Several years ago, I was requested by a lady friend to give moral support to a man who was arrested and put on trial for a crime. The accused parents would fly in from India each time the trial convened. Before the trial commenced, the accused would go on his bended knees and ask for forgiveness from his parents. I felt sorry for him as well as for his parents. It was costly to fly in and out of Singapore to give their son moral support. Not to mention the lawyer's and court fees. If the accused was convicted and given visitation rights, his parents would once again have to fork out more money to fly over.

Prisoners, I was told are given limited number of letters to write to their families.

As I left the court, an idea came to mind. I decided that given the limited access that families have with their imprisoned relatives, it would be helpful to use technology to enhance the lives of those who are separated from their loved ones. Many a time when ties are restricted, spouses and children who may have to wait years before the prisoners are released can go astray.

I presented my proposal - “Using technology to improve the lives of prisoners” to former Prime Minister, Mr Goh Chok Tong on 5 March 2004.

In my proposal, I outlined the problems prisoners face when they are given limited access to their families and understanding the government's good intentions of giving prisoners a second chance, I suggested that the prisoner authorities could allow prisoners and families to link up with each other through emails. Carried out weekly, these online letters could be screened by a moderator from the prison departments. Computers could be given by corporate sponsors and seeing that this was a community project, I had every confidence that they would readily step forward.

Once families stay connected on a regular basis, chances of marriages falling apart and children going astray would be significantly reduced, I concluded.

I was delighted to receive a letter from Mr Adam Chew - a staff officer from the prisons department on 17 March 2004 informing me that the feasibility of my suggestion would be reviewed and explored for possible implementation.

I'm not too sure if my idea has been implemented, but I fervently believe that our prisoners and their families will benefit if the proposal is eventually accepted. Certainly, it can put Singapore on the world map. And if the implemented idea is proven to be successful, our Government could perhaps, promote the scheme to other countries through diplomatic channels.

I am confident that once prisoners in all parts of the world are given more opportunities to interact with their loved ones, we will, indeed, be giving ex-convicts a second chance, and in the process there will be lesser social problems everywhere - by way of fewer broken marriages, lesser children becoming rebellious, and a reduction in dysfunctional families. Won't we then make the world a better place to live in?

In seeking to improve the lives of all those who are marginalised, maybe, we need to dream... the impossible dream.

Improve the lives of our elderly and people with disabilities.

Many of our seniors citizens who have fulfilled their responsibilities in the past should be able to look forward to a better quality of life in their twilight years.

MediaCorp TV and radio have a role to play in supporting our elderly. Certainly a trip down memory lane will help to revive the beautiful memories that our seniors have of what they once enjoyed.

Westerns such as The Rifleman, Rin Tin Tin and The Lone Ranger also had viewers glued to the small screen.

Ours seniors will definitely appreciate a revival of such TV shows along with comedies like The Jack Benny Show and I love Lucy. I remember Jack Benny could easily secure a laugh just by his body language.

I remember veteran broadcaster Mildred Appadurai hosting a radio show dedicated to the sick. Listeners could write in and request songs and send get-well wishes for their loved ones who were hospitalised.

Such a programme could be brought back as part of a community project to support the sick in hospitals and nursing homes.

Studio apartments for the elderly

A Straits Times (ST) reader, Mr Douglas Lee wrote in to the ST Forum Page on Saturday 21^st January and felt that the studio apartments built by the HDB was not as elderly friendly as it ought to be. He spoke of the limited space in the bedroom measuring 100 square feet that made it impossible for 2 single beds to be fitted in and yet leave room for a wheelchair manoeuvred. HDB needs to understand that many of our elderly citizens who apply to stay in studio apartments could be disabled and sick.

Kindness- Let’s pay it forward!

John brought his wife and six children to the circus with the intention of buying eight tickets. When told of the price of each ticket, he realised that he did not have sufficient cash for all the tickets. John was short of $50. Disappointed, he walked way. Another middle-aged gentleman who was also buying tickets to see the show picked up the conversation between John and the ticketing staff, and saw the despondent look on the family. The middle-aged gentleman decided to bring joy to the family.

He then deliberately dropped $50 onto the ground - just behind John.

“You dropped $50 from your pocket, Mister,” the kind-hearted gentleman told John.

But John was very sure that the money was not his.

“I figure you must have overheard the conversation I had with the ticketing staff a while ago, sir,” John told the stranger. “My gut feeling tells me that the money was actually from you. Nonetheless, I am very grateful to you. My family and I will now be able to enjoy the show and we uplifted to know that there are compassionate people like you in this world. Thank you so much, sir,” John expressed his gratitude with a broad smile.

Imagine if everyone in Singapore who is better off can practise such kindness, wouldn't we see the starved being fed, the poor having a roof over their heads, and those in third world countries living in better conditions.

Caring for the elderly

There have been many reports of our elderly citizens who have died all alone. And nobody knows until a foul stench comes on. There are several seniors that are living all alone – even in landed properties. In the U.K, the government recognizes this problem and has decided to get teenage students- between the ages of 16- 20 years to do community as part of character building. So every day, they would knock on the doors of these elderly citizens to see if all is well. “Good morning Mrs Brown, how are you today?” the students would ask.

This is a unique way to ensure that if there is no reply, the students can alert the authorities. Singapore should try this as a means, of not only reaching to the elderly, but of also inculcating in our students a sense of caring for our elderly folks.

Build an extra floor at the top of schools dedicated to the elderly

Perhaps some might view this as radical idea, but I fervently believe that it is worthwhile investing in given that by 2020, our fast ageing population will see many more Singaporeans hitting past 60 or more.

Have an extra floor in school buildings that can allocate space for our elderly citizens- it can be a daycare centre for old folks, where qigong can be practiced and activities organized by students and teachers for our seniors. End of the day’s activities with a breakfast served by the students and the teachers.

Sincerely,

Raymond Anthony Fernando

"When a man loves a woman" by Deborah Choo

2012-01-02T12:09:00.001+08:00

After their first three dates, his girlfriend told him an astonishing piece of news that changed his life forever.

It was a "dark secret", 61-year old Raymond Anthony Fernando remembered of what his then-girlfriend Doris Lau Siew Lang told him almost three decades back.

I am schizophrenic, she had told him...........

Read more on this article on Yahoo, written by Deborah Choo that is going viral.

http://sg.news.yahoo.com/blogs/singaporescene/man-loves-woman-004953242.html

MRT BREAKDOWNS: More concern, please

2011-12-20T18:31:00.000+08:00

Raymond's letter is published in The New Paper today, Tuesday 20 December 2011, page 18. Several other upset Singaporeans have also expressed their views on this matter.

The chaos was scary. Passengers who were trapped must have been filled with anxiety, and several had breathing problems.

Imagine how worried their family members must have been?

The train operators need to show more concern for their passengers.

I saw a video recently of a lady who suffers from motion sickness who was fined $30 by an MRT officer for eating a sweet. The officer refused to accept her explanation. Giddiness can cause a person to collapse, so some flexibility is needed in such situations.

Diabetics, for instance, can collapse if their sugar levels fall too low and may urgently need a drink or sweet.

Those who depend on public transport are rightfully upset over the service disruptions coming so soon after the taxi fare increases.

Now we are left wondering if we should carry a torchlight when travelling on the MRT.

RAYMOND ANTHONY FERNANDO

“Staying committed in a marriage”

2011-12-13T03:27:00.000+08:00

“What greater thing is there for two human souls than to feel that they are joined together to strengthen each other in all labour, to minister to each other in all sorrow, to share with each other in all gladness, to be one with each other in the silent unspoken memories?”
- George Eliot (Mary Anne (Mary Ann, Marian) Evans,

English novelist & journalist -

Introduction

Some friends who read my novel - “Loving a schizophrenic”, teased me into writing a book on how men could woo women. Others, especially the bachelor boys, who know of my blissful union with my wife, Doris for more than 3 decades, joked that as a committed husband, I was “spoiling the market.”

At first, I did not take them seriously. Then after reading many reports in the newspapers of how relationships have turned sour and even ugly, with some going to court, I decided to take up the challenge and share secrets on my successful married life in a book on marriage. Aptly titled, “You by my side - How to stay committed in a marriage and how to value relationships", this book is a must -read not only for married couples but also for anyone who values human relationships.

I am also concerned that our divorce rates are going up - from 6,904 in 2005 to 7,405 in 2010.

Mid-life crisis and Infidelity

Loneliness, affirmation from another woman or man, and not getting enough attention from a spouse are contributing to sex outside marriage.

A friend of mine told me that every seven years our habits and lifestyle changes. This is true. For example, when you are 7 years old, you may craze about collecting dinky toys or wanting to read comic books. When you reach the age of 14, you may want to start going to discos. At 21, you may became very fashion conscious, wanting to purchase the latest designer shirts, and sporting the latest hairstyles. This 7-year switch affects every one of us.

Infidelity has been a major factor in marriage break-ups. It is estimated that roughly 30 to 60% of all married individuals in the U.S. will engage in infidelity at some point during their marriage.

Infidelity appears to be spreading, even here in Singapore.

In The New Paper report- “I can’t stop cheating”, published on Sunday11 December 2011; a married woman going by the name of “Nancy” has been cheating on her husband several times. Her husband, a religious man whose work keeps him busy does not know of her straying ways. Stricken by guilt, she would end the affairs after a short stint. For Nancy, it’s her lovers that keep her occupied.

A tribute to my beloved wife

I have always wanted to write a book that pays a memorable tribute to my wife. I know that the 6 chronic illnesses that she has to cope with- including the dreaded schizophrenia and arthritis is going to shorten her life. Just as I have made a lot of sacrifices for Doris, she has done likewise - for over more than 3 decades. God bless you, Doris for inspiring me to write this book.

Doris has often asked me this question which sometimes brings tears to my eyes: “Ray, do you think that you would have been better off if you had married someone else, someone who does not have mental illness?”

“Of course not, Doris! I love you dearly and I accept you for what you are - illness or no illness,” I hug her and give her my assurances.

Patience- a must in a marriage

Patience is crucial in a marriage. Sometimes, men unintentionally hurt the feelings of their wives by losing patience when they go shopping. Women, being meticulous tend to take extra time and effort to pick out items which they want to buy. But the husband becomes impatient and tends to hurry the wife.

It is believed that men speak 5,000 words a day; women 12,000 words. This is because women are by nature, more expressive, more articulate. But whatever we say, whether on the part of the wife or husband, we must be sensitive to each other’s feelings. So let’s use words to uplift and bring joy to a partnership, not use words that destroy it. In a marriage, this is so important.

Coping with chronic illnesses

Chronic illnesses can also see couples fall apart when a spouse who could be the primary caregiver, can no longer carry the responsibility of caring for his stricken loved one. Besides the illness taking a toll on the caregiver, there are also money problems such as mounting medical bills and loss of key social support that can contribute to lower marital satisfaction. The caregiver must not only slog to bring home the bacon, he must also do all the errands, the housework and whatever is necessary to care for his/her spouse. It is an enormous burden and often both partners, isolated from the world, take out their frustrations on one another. And when they can no longer deal with this extremely difficult situation, divorce seems the only solution.

The power of prayer

I have also discussed the power of prayer in my book, for it is through prayer and my faith that I have managed to overcome huge adversities in my life. Adversities which I will continue to face in my life as my journey in taking care of Doris is going to get tougher and tougher as her advanced arthritis condition continues to deteriorate.

Any psychiatrist in the world will tell you that if you practise a faith, your journey in caring for a sick relative will become lighter. This brings to mind what took place during the SARS outbreak in 2003 when my wife suffered a serious relapse of her schizophrenia. Her psychiatrist, advised me to go back to church and to pray because I found that her recovery was slow. During that time, I had given up on God and refused to go to church. It was only when I faced a crisis that I visited my priest and pleaded for help. He advised me to return to church and prayed for both Doris & myself. Indeed, prayer did help, but it was a long haul- 9 months before she fully recovered.

Excerpt from the Foreword written by my Parish Priest

“I have known Raymond Anthony Fernando and his wife, Doris Lau Siew Lang for more than 10 years, and I have always admired how Raymond has stuck by his wife through thick and thin despite the many adversities he faces in caring for her and loving her. Even though Doris has struggled to cope with schizophrenia for 40 years, and over the last 5 years with advanced arthritis, Raymond has not given up on her - not once. During their 37 years of marriage, Doris has suffered 12 relapses of her schizophrenia and as a devoted husband; Raymond has always been there to help lift her up during her most depressing moments. The stress and demands of Raymond's caregiving responsibilities has many a time seen him suffer ‘caregiver burnout’ and the threat of his own health including depression and anxiety is not something to be taken lightly. Thankfully, this has not in any way discouraged Raymond from fulfilling his duty as a dedicated and committed husband. He candidly shares with me that he draws his strength from the Lord.”

*****

The important things in a marriage

Marriage means you have allowed almost everything in your life to be shared with one person – your spouse. This includes problems, decisions, joy, sorrow, and any amount of freedom you enjoy. In a nutshell, a marriage means dividing the responsibilities and even the burden by two.

What is important in any marriage is the little things that couples neglect to do - like keeping in touch through the phone, sending emails when the couples are working overseas, etc. During the period when we were both gainfully employed, Doris and I would keep in touch with each other through the telephone during the lunch hour. Those phone calls, even if it was to chat for a few minutes, kept us closer together. My wife still keeps in touch with me on the handphone when I am engaged in some part-time work or going about doing some errands. Staying connected helps to keep the love burning bright.

Love and sacrifices

Doris is heavily dependent on me to provide her with unwavering emotional support that is vital in helping her to overcome illnesses, loneliness and adversities in her difficult life. There are many occasions when I am out of the house; at times for just an hour, and she would call me on the handphone and draw out her pent-up emotions: “Ray, I miss you, what time are you coming back, darling?” And when I return home, she will hug me, saying: “I feel so safe in your arms, dear.” So when one is caring for a loved one stricken with so many chronic illnesses, there is a dire need to make sacrifices. This is why although I have skipped many social outings; I do not mind sacrificing my social life because Doris is more important to me than anything or anyone in this world.

Coping with loss

Coping with the loss of a loved one is never easy. What would Doris and I say to each other before we draw our last breath? Generally, people do not like to talk about death. Like mental illness, it is a taboo subject. “Let's not discuss it, let's avoid the subject,” many people would say. Doris sees me as the most important person in her life. She cherishes me as her soul mate, her whole world, someone whom she depends upon and relies on for most, if not her entire adult life. But death is a destination that we all share and we can never escape from it.

Conclusion

Although my wife's arthritis condition continues to deteriorate and will inevitably challenge her resolve, Doris still remains happy, optimistic and always positive. That is because she's got me to care for her.

Many people have asked my wife this question: “It must be really hard on you and Raymond as you as you struggle to cope with so many health issues. Both your crosses are very heavy. How do you, cope, Doris?”

"The one thing that has kept me going despite my turbulent health is, love - the love that my soul mate and husband Raymond has, and always showers upon me. It is with his love that I challenge all odds of my arthritis and schizophrenia conditions - and I will conquer all adversities with You by my Side... Ray,” Doris smiles and declares stoically. (* This is the concluding statement in my book).

I ‘d like to end of this write-up , in typical style, with a poem- one that is intended to uplift my wife should I pass on before her.

Poem: “Memories are made of this”

A tribute to my lovely wife, Doris Lau

My Dearest Doris,

You need not worry

For my novel told of our story

Which many regard as one of the finest ever told

It was about you, Doris

My beloved wife

Who has a heart of gold

Movies that we watched together in the cinema

In our room, gazing at the shooting star

In the hall, listening to music on the radio

Dancing cheek to cheek as love flows

Decorating the Christmas tree in December

These are fond memories that we can always remember

The fragrance of your soft hair

The sacrifices that you gave

With so much love and tender care

The poems that I wrote for you

My undying affection for you that I so often declare

The songs that I wrote for you

Lifted you up when you were feeling blue

I’m sure when anyone of us goes to a better place

With angels and the Lord in all His Grace

We can live in the beautiful memories that we once shared

And when we reminisce, you will not be so sad, but glad

I want you to know that memories are made of this

Can be much more, for there are so many on the list

For anytime we are apart

I can feel you so close

Deep in my heart

The fond memories will always last

These are beautiful memories I cherish

And my love for you, Doris will never diminish

Sincerely,

Raymond Anthony Fernando

Raymond’s book on marriage is expected to be out at the end of December 2011 or even earlier. There are some excerpts from his book that are used in this article. The book, running into more than 130 pages with 18 chapters, excluding mailing charges cost $16. If anyone wants to purchase this book, do drop me an email (rafcutie@singnet.com.sg ) with your contact details and I will arrange to mail the book to you. A postage fee of $2 per book will be charged to cover mailing costs if the reader request for the book to be mailed to him/her.

Website of Raymond Anthony Fernando

www.rayofhope.per.sg/

Welfare for taxi drivers, no welfare for needy Singaporeans

2011-12-06T12:05:00.001+08:00

ComfortDelGRo- a government linked company has announced that it will revise taxi fares effective 12 December 2011. The changes involve:

Basic fares: Flagdown fares will go up by 20 cents for most taxis. Meter fares will go up by two cents per fare band, over a slightly longer distance.

Peak hour surcharge: The peak period will be lengthened in the morning from 6am to 9.30am from the earlier one – 7am to 9.30am. Evening peak hour surcharges will now also apply on Sundays and all public holidays. It will run from 6pm to midnight, compared to 5pm to 8pm from Monday to Saturday at present.

The peak hour charges will be reduced from 35% to 25%.

City surcharge: The current $3 city surcharge from 5pm to midnight will apply on Sundays and public holidays as well.

Call cab booking fees: Those booking a taxi in advance will be required to pay much more - $8 compared to the current one of $5.20.

These taxi fare adjustment, according to the National Taxi Association (NTA) President Wee Boon Kim is aimed at improving the take-home income for taxi drivers and their families.

Really, Mr Wee Boon Kim?

But has the NTA ever considered what these increased taxi fares will mean for needy Singaporeans such as those with mobility problems, the disabled, the elderly sick, those with special needs and others who for one reason or the other cannot take the MRT or the buses?

Has the NTA taken into account that many of those who are sick are asked to see specialists at public hospitals and polyclinics during these peak hour periods because they are “not allowed” to choose their time slots to see the doctors.

Has the NTA considered that by imposing these excessive charges, they are depriving families from meeting up with one another during the weekends or public holidays because given the hectic pace of the Singapore lifestyle, many Singaporeans can only meet up during weekends/public holidays?

Has the NTA considered that with these taxi fares increases, companies & agencies that allow for taxi claims, will incur higher operating costs?

City Cab and Comfordelgro taxi drivers have told me that for the first 7 hours that they drive the taxi, all their earnings go straight to the taxi companies. Many lament to me that if the taxi rental charges are reduced, taxi drivers can earn more, have sufficient rest and be motivated to drive. Why is it that the taxi companies do not want to consider this route? All they are concerned about in reaping in BIG profits, and they have been doing that. If the NTA is so concerned about the welfare of taxi drivers, why aren’t they considering reducing the taxi rental charges for their staff?

I, like many Singaporeans, would like to know who owns the taxi companies. Name the key shareholders.

Last Sunday, 27^th November 2011, at my church, the priest mentioned that with the coming of Advent, we need to reach out to those who are isolated and lonely. He mentioned that in a housing estate, an elderly lady wanted so badly to go to hospital because she was sick, but none of the neighbours wanted to help. Finally a catholic who saw what took place decided to call an ambulance and she was sent to hospital for treatment.

The priest also mentioned that he has seen many of our elderly folks sitting in coffee shops all alone. He said that they are lonely and have no one to care for them. He called on the congregation to reach out to them- even if it was to simply chat with them. Social interaction that includes outings for the elderly is vital for their well being? But with these exorbitant taxi charges, NTA would be indirectly depriving the elderly of the much-needed social and recreational needs.

Is Comfortdelgro doing its part as a corporate citizen?

Singapore is becoming unbearable to live in. Escalating costs in Singapore is causing many to fall into depression and divorce cases are on the rise- often over money issues. Despite assurances by the government that it will listen to feedback, the voices of those in need go unheard.

The proposed hikes by Comfort Delgro allows for taxi drivers to earn more. But it places a heavy financial burden on the immobile, the disabled and our elderly poor citizens who are heavily dependent on taxis for their medical appointments and other social needs that is so important to their well-being. Many in this group are retired, have little savings and are struggling to cope with health and money issues.

Earlier this year, despite so many appeals from the public not to increase fares on the MRT and buses, the public transport council went ahead and raised the fares.

Now we see yet another fare hike. And it is always the same old excuse - rapidly rising operating costs, especially diesel prices.

My wife who has mobility issues because of her advanced arthritis conditions and other health issues has an average of 8-9 medical appointments in a month. Based on the current taxi fare charges, I would have to spend about $160 to 180 per month, and mind you, I don’t have a full-time job. There is little or no consideration for the sick and those with special needs. These revised taxi charges are going to dip a deeper hole in my pocket.

Often, to avoid paying the peak hour charges, which current kicks off at 7am in the morning, my wife and I have to leave the house at 6am for her medical appointments at public hospitals. She is on heavy tranquilizers to mange her schizophrenia and depression.

This total lack of consideration for the sick, especially those who are marginalized clearly demonstrates how money has become the “do all and end all.” On top of that, you leave those who are neglected in society to feel that Singapore is not the best home to live in.

In closing, I leave you with this letter which I wrote to the press in August this year. This letter and more than a hundred letters that I wrote to the press over 6 years, pleading for support for the mentally ill and the needy, has gone unanswered. Tells a story, doesn’t it?

Letter to The New Paper: Better subsidy for the disabled, please

My letter on the above matter is published in The New Paper today, Friday 5 August 2011.

Going by what has been aired in the media – online, the airwaves and in print, there is clearly much unhappiness about the impending fare hike in public transport fares.

People with disabilities face huge roadblocks in their lives and the lack of support makes it difficult for these marginalised citizens to move on in life.

Family members who are the backbone for such needy citizens could certainly do with financial support, improved access to support and services in their communities.

I am disappointed that the National Council of Social Services' taxi subsidies for disabled people apply only to the trips made in work or school.

Why are subsidies not extended for trips to hospitals and clinics? Perhaps, even to recreational trips which are crucial in helping the disabled reintegrate into society?

For people who have to make many trips to various clinics and hospitals, like my wife, cab fare can be about $160 per month, not counting peak-hour surcharges.

I hope the Government can look into this area. If Singapore is moving towards becoming an inclusive society, it is only logical to show compassion, understanding and support for these needy citizens.

RAYMOND ANTHONY FERNANDO

Raymond Anthony Fernando, a part-time writer and motivational speaker, writes on social issues and mental health matters. He runs a website at: www.rayofhope.per.sg/
Check out my latest radio interview on 938 LIVE- Here on podcast:
http://entertainment.xin.msn.com/en/radio/podcast/938live.aspx?cp-documentid=5172874

Cat dumped in rubbish bin- Set up website so we can assess mental health

2011-11-30T06:54:00.000+08:00

Raymond’s letter to The New Paper is published today on page 21, Wed 30^th November 2011.

I refer to the report, “He’s still responsible” (The New Paper, Nov 26).

I’m not at all surprised at the way cat lovers and netizens on forums like Stomp have demanded that Madam Hamidah’s husband, Mr Michael who suffered a relapse of his bipolar condition, be taken to task for his actions.

But some of the comments on Stomp are far from kind. What is the point of showing love to animals, when we are so unkind to a human being who has fallen ill with a mental disorder that is so unpredictable? Bear in mind that the couple do love cats - otherwise they would not have adopted four cats, would they?

Given the findings of a study by the Institute of Mental Health which reveal that one person in 10 will suffer from some form of mental illness, it is imperative that we cast out nets wider to reach out to everyone in our society.

The key to tackling mental health issues is to secure a better understanding of the illnesses.

One way would be to set up a public funded website for people to do a self-assessment for potential mental health problems.

Confidential

Make the exercise confidential and available in the four main languages.

The questions asked can be designed to review one’s situation with regard to some of the more common mental health issues including, post-traumatic stress disorder, depression, anxiety, addiction and so on.

Such a screening will not provide a diagnosis, will but will give guidance as to where help can be sought.

It can be managed by experts who should be able to help the person doing the tests decide whether to go for treatment or not.

Grassroots leaders and the Community Development Councils should reach out to the lonely elderly, the vulnerable groups and those who do not have access to computers and carry out face-to-face assessment of residents.

For this, grassroots leaders should be trained in mental health.

There should also be a system in place to ensure that patients under psychiatric care do not default on treatment and medications.

Madam Hamidah is going to go through some challenging times, so let’s learn to rally around her, instead of giving her more stress.

RAYMOND ANTHONY FERNANDO

Anonymous mental health screenings? -Raymond's letter to the press- TODAY Newspaper

2011-11-21T06:56:00.000+08:00

The findings of the mental health study conducted by the Institute of Mental Health (IMH), reported in "I am not mad" (Nov 19), are cause for concern.

With a global financial crisis looming and as stress levels in our fast-paced society increase, there is a need to find quick and sustainable solutions to meet the challenges ahead. One of the biggest hurdles preventing people from seeking treatment for their mental health is stigma.

But as it is important to do so, I suggest that the Ministry of Health (MOH) set up an online site where people could do a voluntary, anonymous self-assessment of potential mental health or addiction problems.

The online questions could be designed to review one's situation with regard to the more common mental health issues such as post-traumatic stress disorder, depression, anxiety and alcoholism
.
The screening would not provide a diagnosis but give guidance as to where help could be sought. It would inform the person concerned whether or not he/she has symptoms consistent with a condition that would benefit from further evaluation or treatment.

Available in the four main languages, such confidential self-assessment exercises should be managed by professionals.

To further encourage treatment to be sought, perhaps MOH could consider giving heavily subsidised or even free treatment for the first two consultations, be it at public hospitals or by general practitioners who have been trained in basic mental healthcare.

Grassroots leaders and the Community Development Councils could reach out to the lonely elderly, vulnerable groups and those who are unable to access a computer, by carrying out face-to-face assessments with residents.

Any medical certificate issued by IMH should also not bear its name, as there are few enlightened employers. It would be better if such MCs have the National Healthcare Group's endorsement.

Raymond Anthony Fernando

Do you have a history of mental illness?

2011-11-19T10:54:00.002+08:00

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”

- Mark Twain -

The captioned words above of Mark Twain had long ago set me thinking as to whether I should take the road less travelled and become a voice for the thousands out there who are struggling with the stresses of life. I brushed away this thought, only to see it resurrected again during my journey as a caregiver to my wife, Doris who had to struggle with mental illness amongst other health ailments.

For more than 3 decades, I have witnessed the blatant discrimination that sufferers of mental illness face every day in their lonely lives. Out of my compassion for psychiatric patients and their caregivers, I decided in 2004 to bring to light the plight of these marginalised citizens through advocacy. It is never easy being a mental health activist – it is a thankless job that many would not do. There is also an uneasiness that deters people from speaking out on social issues. In the case of mental illness, this uneasiness is even greater. Patients and caregivers would rather suffer in silence than speak out openly about their struggles. They do not want to be identified with the illness that carries a nagging social stigma.

Whilst many people support my advocacy work, I know there are some people who are “uncomfortable” when I raised mental issues in the press or on television and radio. Some have unkindly resorted to name calling in an attempt to demoralize and humiliate me.

But given the growing number of people - both foreigners and Singaporeans who have lost the will to live and are struggling to cope with mental illness, I fervently believe that we cannot sweep the problems of mental health issues and suicides under the carpet. And I remain committed to being a voice for the “voiceless.”

Passing of champion for disabled

I am shocked and deeply saddened to read in the Straits Times that Miss Nancy Chia, 60 who was the former President and most recently, the honorary secretary of the Handicaps Welfare Association (HWA) was found dead in her car on Wednesday- 16^th November 2011 (“Champion for disabled found dead in her car”, ST Nov 18). I know Nancy did a lot of hard work because my wife is a member of HWA and I’ve spoken to her a few times. Nancy had a lot of passion in her work, and my wife and I would like to express our deepest condolences to her family.

Serious social problems

There have been many reports in the press about people losing their tempers, the most recent ones being (a) the case in which a local banker was beaten up by a Caucasian over a booking of a taxi. (b) In another TNP (The New Paper) report, (“They wanted to beat us,” Nov 17), another case of anger erupts. We read of the “high drama after a road collision resulted in 20 people chasing occupants of a car involved.”

Neighbours are quarreling and cannot get along with each other- two of one whom ended up in a fight and got arrested by the police (TNP, Nov 18- “Fighting over potted plants”).

People here are not able to manage their anger, divorces are going up and poor boy-girl relationships are causing a lot of problems with some hitting out at each other on social media platforms. Financial calamity is hitting many as gambling and money issues become another real problem. As crowds on the MRT and public places swell, people are becoming agitated and losing their cool easily.

Media’s role

The media has to raise social issues so that policy makers sit down and fine tune their policies that can help everyone on this tiny island to live, work and play in a happy, cohesive and conducive environment.

Noise pollution

There has been much unhappiness over noise pollution affecting the lives of many Singaporeans. Couple of months ago, several people voiced their displeasure over the endless noise that were affecting their rest. One suggestion from a Straits Times reader made a lot of sense. He said we should follow the Hong Kong method and only allow construction work or renovation to be carried out from morning at around 9am and end off at 12noon or 1pm. It is a practical suggestion, and I fully support his idea.

I now reproduce the letter which I wrote to the press on noise pollution.

“S'pore's becoming too noisy”

The most serious problem created by sound pollution is the impact on our health

Letter from Raymond Anthony Fernando

(TODAY Newspaper on Monday 21^st Jan 2011)

I REFER to the letter, "Can't sleep for the MRT clatter (Jan 27), and share Tan Lye Chye's sentiments.

In our fast-paced lives, our homes should be a place where we can relax and have peace of mind. Yet, this is not possible in the estate where we live in Ang Mo Kio because all the year round, there is noise pollution almost seven days a week.

Before residents can fully recover from two years of noise from the Lift Upgrading Programme, we will now have to bear with more noise pollution and inconvenience from the impending upgrading inside our flats, with the changing of pipes, doors and toilets.

I will then have to search for alternative accommodation as my wife, who is coping with schizophrenia, cannot bear excessive noise. Her mobility is also severely impaired because of arthritis.

Shouldn't the HDB show some empathy and provide us with affordable alternative accommodation if they insist on carrying out such works? Should not there be consideration shown to the sick and those who are convalescing at home?

Funeral wakes are carried out almost every month opposite our block and the chanting can last as late as 11pm over three to four days. Every week, the irritating noise of the blower used to remove the cut grass disrupts the quiet we so badly need at the close of the week.

There is also excessive noise when clan associations regularly carry out their activities late in the night, and this sometimes stretches for a week. In the middle of the night, the beating of the drums does not allow anyone a wink of sleep.

Karaoke singing in HDB flats should not be encouraged. To my left, a couple sings at the top at their voices every weekend, sometimes past 1am. Above my flat, another family also engages in this activity with total disregard for residents.

The most serious problem created by sound pollution is the impact it has on our health. Besides disrupting sleep, noise pollution has also been linked with stress, heart disease, high blood pressure and stroke.

As I have to write for a living, I have no choice but work in the wee hours. Doesn't a caregiver also need rest? Little wonder I have suffered burnout countless times.

Raymond Anthony Fernando

While it is necessary to upgrade and redesign our landscape and city, let us be mindful that our citizens need to have sufficient rest; given that many work long and taxing hours. They also need to spend quality time with their families.

All these issues need to be addressed and tackled - swiftly.

Mental illness declaration

Just go take a look at any Government job application form and you will find a clause there which requires the applicant to declare if he/she has a history of mental illness. Why is this requirement still in place? This clause handed down since the colonial time is clearly outdated, and has to be removed if we want to give equal opportunity for all Singaporeans to secure jobs and to encourage treatment if a person is going through depression or other types of mental illness, because the illness is treatable. If the Government takes the lead, the private sector will most likely follow suit. I have raised this matter in the press, but no one wants to give a reply.

In The New Paper (TNP) on Thursday, 17^th November 2011, a maid plunged 15 storeys from her employers flat because she was depressed. Her employers tried to save her, but could not do so because she was out of control.

This begs the question: Are foreigners who come to work in Singapore screened for mental health issues?

Whether we like it or not, mental illness is becoming a BIG problem. We cannot avoid it, but we must find quick and sustainable solutions to tackle suicides, mental illness and stress related problems.

Solutions

I urge the Government to consider the following:

( a) Set up a task force at a national level to tackle suicide, mental illness issues and stress –related problems. I am emphasizing national level because all these problems are happening in the heartlands. So the CDCs must also play an active role and come on board this recommended national task force committee.

(b) Members of Parliament (MPs) need to raise the plight of the mentally ill and their caregivers in parliament. A few years ago, I wrote to several MPs, pleading with them raise our plight, but none, including those in the opposition wanted to take this matter up. One told me, “Oh, I will have to think about it,” and she never did anything.” Another told me, “I am too stressed.” Others choose to ignore my plea. Yet aren’t MPs elected by the people, supposed to serve the people - ALL people.

( c ) Reach out far and wide to get people to better understand mental health issues. Even doctors outside IMH need to learn about mental health because a fragile mind needs extra care and support. A troubled mind can easily snap if circumstances are not conducive. And I can give clear insights into this.

Why is mental illness such a taboo subject that it does not merit serious discussion and debate? In 2006, I wrote a letter to the Straits Times and cautioned that depression was going to become a major cause of disability- worldwide. How many people believed me? Look at the situation today.

Shouldn’t we be proactive instead of reactive?

Sincerely,

Raymond Anthony Fernando

The writer is an advocate for the mentally ill and runs a website & 2 blogs – www.rayofhope.per.sg/

He is also the author of 13 books. His wife, Doris who has battled schizophrenia for 40 years is also an author – 6 books to her name.

The article is also available on The Online Citizen

http://theonlinecitizen.com/2011/11/do-you-have-a-history-of-mental-illness/

“Suicides in Singapore: Address it, not shun it”

2011-11-09T08:20:00.001+08:00

“I expect to pass through this life but once. Therefore, if there be any kindness I can show, or good things I can do for another human being, let me do it now, for I shall not pass this way again.”

- William Penn -

William Penn’s well known quote that motivates us to show kindness to everyone is worth practising given that we are living in an unpredictable world. An unpredictable world calls for us to prepare ourselves for uncertainties and become more predictable. To help our brothers and sisters who are finding it so hard to cope.

The recent spate of suicides at Bedok Reservoir and the growing number of people, including the lonely elderly, who have lost the will to value life, has prompted me to pen this article.

Often people who lose the will to live and commit suicide have struggled with depression or one of the other types of depressive illnesses, and have not sought professional treatment. It is sad that although depression is the most treatable of all types of mental illness, 50% of persons with depression and anxiety disorders do not seek help here in Singapore. This is the same as the estimated 50 -60% in most developed countries. A person who has depression feels hopeless and often does not look forward to a brand new day. Some sleep most of the time to forget their worries.

People who suffer from depression are in dire need of support. They need friends because loneliness and a feeling of being uncared for will make them feel that life is not worth living.

Poor relationships, be it in the office or in personal life is also a cause for depression. Sometimes, it is not work that will “kill you”, but people.

Highlight cases of suicide in the media

Straits Times reader Lim Wei Jan wrote in on 28 October this year appealing to the media to cease sensationalizing suicide cases as it could create a copycat syndrome.

While media stories about suicides may be newsworthy and can cause harm, the media being a powerful tool for communication can play an important role by highlighting suicide prevention and stories of people who have overcome adversities. It would also be useful to seek the views of experts on this topic.

The media, if it needs to report on suicide cases could also focus on :

(a) Trends in suicide rates

(b) Recent advanced treatments

( c ) Individual stories of how treatment was life - saving

(d) Stories of people who despair without resorting to suicide

But I’m glad that some newspapers like The New Paper have highlighted stories of people who are overcoming adversities. It is a step in the right direction.

Real people, real stories

Sometimes it is necessary to raise issues on suicide because it creates more awareness for policy makers to understand the needs of those who are going through the stresses of life and who are in dire need of support. Just like mental illness that is affecting many in schools, in our offices, in homes, in churches, and in the heartlands, these social problems should not be swept under the carpet. Rather, we must talk about it, discuss it and find quick solutions.

I survived a suicide in 1995 and I really regret giving up on life. I can’t imagine the damage it could have done to my family if I had not survived. The doctor’s advice to me after he saved me still lingers fresh in my mind: “Don’t ever do such a thing again, Mr. Fernando because there is always a way out.” And that is the key message I would like to convey to anyone who feels that life is not worth living – There is always a way out.

I encourage people who are severely distressed and want to give up on life to seek treatment - immediately. Believe me it helps!

Warning signs of depression

Having gone through depression for a few years, I would like to share with you some of the warning signs that you need to look out for when coping with depression. These are:

1. Excessive fatigue or disturbed sleep

2. Weight loss

3. Losing interest in everything

4. Difficulty concentrating

5. Failing memory

6. Diminishing sexual interest

7. Inability to experience pleasure, even in situations that are normally pleasurable

8. Feeling worthless - that life is meaningless

9. Having thoughts of suicide

For ladies, depression sometimes comes right before their menstrual period. Some women expect to feel depressed, even making a habit of it. There is a way to fight it. First of all, take your mind off it. Do things that you enjoy doing, like dancing, listening to music and watching comical movies. Engaging in happy things makes you feel happy and also makes you look confident.

Note: Any change, serious loss or stress - e.g a divorce, the death of a loved one, the loss of a job, or move to a new home can trigger depression, usually temporary, but sometimes requiring treatment.

Research has revealed that a combination of antidepressant medication along with psychotherapy - otherwise known as talk therapy is the quickest, most effective treatment for treating depression. Sometimes those suffering from depression just need a listening ear. Let us find the time to rally around them during their difficult moments.

Schizophrenia: Look out for the warnings signs!

After caring for my wife, Doris for thirty-seven years, I am now more alert to the warning signs of schizophrenia. These are some of the symptoms that she displays when she falls into a relapse.

- She complains of headaches

- She cannot sleep at night

- She becomes very nervous

- Many thoughts run through her troubled mind

- She is restless

- She becomes confused

- She is deep in thought

- She has overwhelming sadness

- She has difficulty concentrating

- She starts recalling unpleasant memories

- She has a loss of appetite

- She believes that people are talking about her

- She becomes fearful, suspicious and argumentative

- Dandruff starts appearing on her forehead and on her hair despite shampooing

- Finally, she has suicidal thoughts and at this stage, she must be warded.

Finding solutions to suicide

With the financial crisis looming over our heads, it is crucial for all of us to play a part in helping to bring the suicide rate down.

Bring available supporting services right to the doorstep

Sometimes it is necessary for us to bring supporting services right to the doorstep of those who are in desperate need of help. People who attempt suicide are likely to do it again if they fall into depression at another period in their life. When we read of stories in the media of people who are unable to cope with the stresses of life, we can help to highlight such cases to Members of Parliament, Government agencies, the CDCs and VWOs who are in the business of mental health care. For a start, government agencies need to scan the newspapers everyday and pick up news of people struggling in life and then bring the supporting measures to the person concerned or to their family members because people suffering from depression or other types of mental illness are quite often in denial.

Grassroots leaders must also be trained and equipped to look out for warning signs of people struggling with mental illness as they are the “eyes and ears” of their respective MPs.

Face-to-face contact

A friend of mine told me that in Australia if you are contemplating suicide and call the hotline, the professionals will come down onsite and talk you out of it. Even though it will involve resources and money, I feel this could help to lower the suicide rate because nothing beats face-to-face contact.

Form a suicide prevention committee

To tackle head-on the problem of suicides, it would be useful for the Government to form a task force comprising of experts and even people who have overcome suicides, to brainstorm for ideas and find quick solutions to suicides. We must not see it as “extra work” but do so with a keen sense of saving and reclaiming lives.

Form retiree clubs

Most workers who retire will lose key social support when they have left their jobs. They become lonely when colleagues stay out of touch. Loneliness, as mentioned earlier can lead to depression. So a good way to ensure that retirees can still lead fruitful and meaningful lives after they are no longer in the work force is to form Retirees Clubs. Government agencies and private companies could initiate this suggestion for workers who hit 50 while they are still contributing in their respective ministries and companies.

Public education

We must intensify public education on depression and other types of mental illness, and coping skills in every part of Singapore – in schools, in the heartlands, in offices and in churches because mental illness is a hidden illness, a hidden disability that is affecting a large number of our population.

And as Christmas 2011 is just around the corner, I would like to wish one and all yuletide greetings with this poem which I penned, entitled “Christmas made in Singapore.”

Christmas made in Singapore

The annual light-up at Orchard Road

People in festive moods gathering by carloads

The Christmas lights that sparkle at night

Here the city comes alive and it is such a beautiful sight

Christians who congregate in churches to attend midnight mass

Start of the Christmas celebrations that for 12 days, will last

We see Christmas carols being sung in many places

We see goodwill being spread in many places

Children all excited decorating the Christmas tree

The smiles on their pretty faces are a sheer delight to see

“Santa Claus is coming tonight” all would say

For surely the gifts St. Nick brings will make their day

As in many cities, the Christmas feast in Singapore is an annual tradition

Family and friends tuck into meals prepared in mummy’s kitchen

Providing for the poor, sickly and less fortunate people in Singapore

Is a joyful event, an annual affair

During Christmas, volunteers raise more funds because they care and share

The true meaning of Christmas is to give with our hearts

This for many will in the New Year, be a good start

So let’s uplift and comfort anyone who is finding it hard to cope

Give them the will to value life and embrace hope

“A Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year” to one and all

Spread kindness and love and you will always stand tall

Sincerely,

Raymond Anthony Fernando

@copyrightraymondfernando

Disclaimer: Although this sharing tips mentioned in this article has worked very well for the author and his wife who has schizophrenia, readers should not regard the tips described as the only way to help in the healing of ALL patients suffering from depression and other types of mental illness as different people respond to different ways of treatment, rehabilitation and care. Please consult a qualified doctor, counsellor or psychologist for more information.

The writer is the recipient of the Model Caregiver Award 2007 and Mental Heath Champion 2010. He runs a website at : www.rayofhope.per.sg/

This article is also available on The Online citizen:

http://theonlinecitizen.com/2011/11/suicides-in-singapore-address-it-not-shun-it/

Highlight plight of caregivers: Raymond's letter to The New Paper

2011-10-28T09:09:00.000+08:00

My letter to on the above subject is published in The New Paper today, Friday, October 28, 2011, page 21.

I have been following the fortnightly articles by Prof Lee Wei Ling with much interest; the recent one being living a life with no regrets.

She talks about the lifestyle changes she now has to make to take care of her father, former prime minister Lee Kuan Yew who at 88, and recently widowed, is “less vigorous” than he was before 2008 when the late Mrs Lee had a stroke.

Coping with illnesses can be difficult. It can be draining for the caregiver when he or she has to take care of a loved one stricken with a chronic illness or worse, multiple chronic illnesses.

Often don't plan for these things to happen and when we are caught off guard, we feel lost, hopeless, isolated, distressed and trapped.

Coping with long-term illness can be complex for both the caregiver and the care-receiver. The entire family's social life, emotional stability, financial resources and physical health will be affected.

Family ties can also become strained when relatives do not want to share in caregiving responsibilities.

Those who are financially secure can hire a maid or a nurse to care for the sick. But if you are hard on cash, doing all the caregiving on your own can become a burden.

Actually, caregiving should be praised as a noble job and the media should highlight stories of Singaporeans struggling to cope with chronic illnesses.

RAYMOND ANTHONY FERNANDO

CEL's master plan : Where's structural support for mentally ill, caregivers?

2011-10-26T08:25:00.000+08:00

My letter on the above subject is published in The New Paper today, Wed , Oct 26 ,2011, page 20.

In its Masterplan for 2012-2016, the Centre for Enabling Living (CEL) is endeavoring to identify the needs of persons with disabilities at every phase of life, and see where there are gaps.

I read the information on CEL's website, but was disappointed to discover that other than the mental capacity act, there is no provision that covers proper structural support for persons suffering from mental illness and their caregivers.

Mental illness, like a physical illness, can be disabling. Person with mental illness are just as entitled to support as persons with a serious physical illness. This is what makes for an inclusive society.

I would therefore like to know if there are plans to provide a good structural support system for caregivers of the mentally ill & their afflicted loved ones in CEL's master plan.

A secondary question: Is there anyone to represent psychiatric patients and their caregivers on the CEL sub-committees? And if so, who represents us?

Getting people who have walked the journey will enable the Government to fully understand the struggles and growing needs that the mentally ill and their families face in their lonely and isolated lives.

Singapore can become an inclusive society only if it looks after all sectors of the population.

RAYMOND ANTHONY FERNANDO

CEL's master plan-2012-2016 : Is there a support plan for the mentally ill & their caregivers?

2011-10-25T03:16:00.000+08:00

On September 20, 2011, the Ministry of Community Development, Youth and Sports (MCYS) announced a new Enabling Masterplan for 2012-2016, which will serve as the national roadmap for the development of programmes and services for persons with disabilities over that period. This Masterplan will endeavour to identify the needs of persons with disabilities at every phase of life, and see where there are gaps in the current landscape.

The Centre for Enabling Living (CEL, website at www.cel.sg) was conceived by MCYS as part of the national care network to coordinate care for persons needing care, and is the secretariat for the Enabling Masterplan.

I read the information on CEL’s website, but was disappointed to discover that other than the Mental Capacity Act, there appears to be no provision whatsoever for proper structural support for persons suffering from mental illness and their caregivers.

Mental illness, like a physical illness, can be disabling. Person with mental illness are just as entitled to support as persons with a serious physical illness. This is what is required for an inclusive society.

When I wrote to CEL two weeks ago, it seemed that no one there wanted to give me an answer. I also raised this issue with the Acting-Minister for Community Development, Youth and Sports. As expected, no answer was given.

I then called up CEL’s operations manager, and he told me that my request has to be cleared with the bosses “up there”.

In his first speech in the new Parliament, the Prime Minister assured all Singaporeans that no one will be left behind. The Government has also pledged to be more open and to engage Singaporeans. Yet it is so difficult to get answers and support for the mentally and their caregivers. Why?

It is little wonder then that Singaporeans are airing their hardships, frustrations and problems on the internet, because they feel their voices are not being heard. Under the PS21 Programme (Public Service 21), government agencies are supposed to reply to within 3-5 working days. I don’t see this happening.

The Government has to understand that people who are seriously ill are frustrated and distressed, and feel hopeless. This unhappiness often spills over to their caregivers as well.

I would therefore like to know if there are plans to provide a good structural support system for caregivers of the mentally ill and their afflicted loved ones, in the Enabling Masterplan for 2012-2016.

A secondary question: will psychiatric patients and their caregivers be represented on the three sub-commitees under the Enabling Masterplan? And if so, who would represent us?

Hearing from people who have walked this road and embarked on this journey will enable the Government to fully understand the struggles and growing needs faced by the mentally ill and their families, in their lonely and isolated lives. It seems that persons with physical disabilities are represented on the Enabling Masterplan sub-committees, but I have not heard of anyone representing psychiatric patients and their caregivers.

Singapore can only become an inclusive society if it looks after ALL sectors of the population.

Raymond Anthony Fernando

Coping with chronic illness in a marriage - By Raymond Anthony Fernando

2011-10-23T13:25:00.015+08:00

“Beginning today, treat everyone you meet as if they were
going to be dead by midnight. Extend to them all the care,
kindness, and understanding you can muster, and do it
with no thought of any reward. Your life will never be
the same again.”
- Og Mandino -
I read with much interest Prof Lee Wei Ling's article, “Living a life with no regrets” Sunday Times Oct 23, 2011). It was a heart-warming article and I'm touched by her love and care for her 88-year-old dad whose energy level has been lowered because of age .

If we show love and compassion for a loved one who is not in the pink of health, God will bless us - in more ways than one.
Chronic illnesses can also see couples fall apart when a spouse who could be the primary caregiver, can no longer carry the responsibility of caring for his stricken loved one. Besides the illness taking a toll on the caregiver, there are also money problems such as mounting medical bills, loss of key social support that can contribute to lower marital satisfaction. The caregiver must not only slog to bring home the bacon, he must also do all the errands, the housework and whatever is necessary to care for his/her spouse. I am in this predicament, but I live with no regrets .
Caregiving for the chronically ill is an enormous burden and often both partners, isolated from the world, take out their frustrations on one another. And when they can no longer deal with this extremely difficult situation, divorce seems the only solution.
It takes a great person to provide love and support when a spouse develops a chronic illness. A friend once told me that “it takes a greater person to marry a woman who is already struggling with a chronic illness. More so, when they have a serious mental disorder such as schizophrenia- described to be one of the most devastating and disabling of all mental disorders.” I am uplifted by what this friend, David told me.
How many of us will marry someone who has a psychiatric condition? Especially when mental illness carries a nagging stigma. I have done that, and I have no regrets whatsoever because, my wife Doris is a “beautiful” human being. A very giving person. When I was courting Doris in the 70s', I saw how her domineering second sister would shout and scold her for the slightest thing. As a result of which, Doris became very fearful, timid and inward looking. I knew that I had to take her out of this unhealthy environment because it would not help in her condition.

I also knew that it would not be an easy journey to care for her. Family members will run way, friends will disappear and you are left all by yourself to carry on this lonely and arduous journey. That's the reality because many in our society are still not ready to accept people with mental illness.

Dr Chua Hong Choon , CEO of IMH in his welcome address at IMH's World Mental Health Day 2011 celebrations mentioned how he was displeased with the unkind remarks some people (who sat next to his table in a restaurant) passed about the mentally ill. I know that this is very common because I have myself heard such hurtful and unkind comments about the mentally ill. But we must understand that no one chooses to have this brain disease.
One of Dr Chua's staff, an executive who has a lot of passion about her job also told me that when she passed some IMH postcards to some people at a Community Centre (CC), they felt awkward, with a few even sneering at her. I can understand this only too well. Because when I offered to give motivational talks on mental illness at CCs so that grassroots leaders can be trained on how to manage the illness, not a single one responded to my call to share my wealth of experience in helping my wife cope with schizophrenia. Coping so well that she is today an author of 6 books.
People who do not understand mental illness tend to be biased towards the sufferers. Hence public education on mental illness must be on-going. Once we are able to educate the public that mental illness is indeed treatable, perceptions can be changed. But it is going to be a long haul.
This is where the media can play an important and crucial role. Success stories on how those people coping with chronic illnesses have beaten the odds and overcome huge adversities need to highlighted.
It is so much easier to cope with chronic illnesses if you have money to pay for services such as a full-time nurse or maid, but it becomes much more difficult if you are hard on cash. Although Doris is coping well with schizophrenia, her arthritis condition that has troubled her for more than 8 years, often leaves her in severe pain and misery. She is also struggling with other chronic illnesses that includes diabetes, high cholesterol and incontinence.

I am deeply grateful to my wife because she has been instrumental in my advocating for the mentally ill and their caregivers and because I have done this, God has blessed me with a variety of 2^nd careers- from writing 12 books, song writing, training, freelance TV acting, motivational speaking and even counselling those who are in distress.
Given that caregivers are facing huge challenges in taking care of their stricken ones, I would like to suggest that the Government considers setting up a Caregiver's Union which could look into providing better support measures and welfare for patients and their caregivers. Mental illness is creeping into churches, offices, homes , schools and into our homes, so let us take steps to ensure that we can manage mental illness before it manages us.
I hope Prof Lee Wei Ling who writes every fortnight to the Sunday Times will also talk about the common citizen who have had the courage and conviction to care for their loved ones coping with serious illnesses and suffering. Thank you.
Sincerely,

Raymond Anthony Fernando
Model Caregiver 2007 & Mental Health Champion 2010
Website: www.rayofhope.per.sg/

DJ makes amends after remarks on mentally ill - Class 95FM: Please adopt IMH as charity

2011-10-14T09:04:00.002+08:00

Raymond Anthony Fernando's letter on the above matter is published today in The New Paper, Friday 14th October 2011, page 23.

I refer to the report, “Glenn Ong offers to help IMH (The New Paper, Oct 11).

I am heartened that radio DJ Glenn Ong has offered to volunteer his time to help the cause of the mentally ill.

It is the right move and I urge IMH to accept Mr Ong's offer graciously
.

We all make mistakes, and I'm glad that the DJ is making amends weeks after his comments about the mentally ill that drew a flurry of criticism from psychiatric patients and their families - myself included.

To improve on the image of Class 95FM, I urge the management of Mediacorp Radio to show its support for the mentally ill and their families by adopting IMH as its next charity.

By doing so, Class 95FM will not only be providing the crucial financial support for this marginalised community, but also help to reduce the stigma that has plagued the mentally ill for decades.

RAYMOND ANTHONY FERNANDO

DJ Glenn Ong's insensitive and hurtful comments have deeply hurt psychiatric patients and their caregivers

2011-09-22T18:04:00.003+08:00

“ Mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of, but stigma and bias shame us all”

- Former US President Bill Clinton -

I just could not believe my eyes when I read the report in The New Paper about DJ Glenn Ong's degrading comments about the mentally ill (“Put these mad dogs to sleep, TNP, Sept 20.) Ong's offensive and insulting comments has hurt many people, including caregivers like myself who have the courage and conviction to care for their stricken ones despite the journey being an arduous and lonely one. Lonely and arduous, partly because insulting comments about the mentally ill continues to make it practically impossible for society to accept that people with mental illness are also human and need love, understanding and support -Just like anyone else.

People with mental illness have been unfairly labelled psycho, mad, freak, siow and what have you. In making reference to psychiatric patients, DJ Ong humiliates the mentally ill by going on air and suggesting that, “If you have to put these mad dogs to sleep, then you should.” When a conversation only focusses on negative comments, you will invite more and more humiliating remarks.

I am perplexed that such hurtful and offensive comments against the mentally ill can be allowed to be aired on a national broadcasting station during prime time when listenership is high. These remarks Ong mentioned on air could send the wrong signal to the public - That the mentally ill are all trouble makers? This is far from true.

At a time when the Government wants to build a gracious, cohesive and inclusive society where every citizen matters, such behaviour on the part of this DJ is totally unacceptable.

Let us not forget that social stigma can cause low-esteem for the sufferers and may become a barrier to everyday opportunities and activities, including jobs and education.

Broadcasters have a moral duty to inform, educate and entertain its listeners and viewers. In highlighting two cases of mental patients causing disruptions which DJ Ong encountered, what was Ong trying to put across?

Mental illness is clearly a misunderstood illness in many parts of the world- Singapore included. When people don't understand mental illness, they become bias towards the sufferers. This is why promoting education on mental illness is relevant to everyone. But attitudes must change, and this is where the media plays an important role.

The media must be held accountable because if it portrays people with mental illness inaccurately, such stereotyping makes it harder to change mindsets. In America, psychiatric patients are major contributors to American life - from the arts to the sciences, from medicine to entertainment to professional sports.

When educating the public, the presenter/s needs to present different perspectives on any issue. In the case of psychiatric patients, there are many who, with treatment, can go on to lead a perfectly normal life. This was not highlighted. Why? Why only paint one side of the story?

Social stigma can cause low-esteem for mentally ill people and may become a barrier to everyday opportunities and activities, including jobs and education.

I have gone on national TV, radio and in the press to speak about my wife's battle with schizophrenia and how I have helped her to move on in life; using the literary skills that she possess (My wife is an author of 6 books). I tap on her strengths; not on her weakness. I'm proud of my wife and I would like her to be a role model for others in her condition to emulate, so that those who are living in the shadow of life will one day get to see “light at the end of the dark tunnel.”

I have spoken candidly about my wife's illness, not because I want sympathy, but because I want acceptance, just like all in my wife's condition long for. I have put in tremendous effort coupled with so much emotional pain and suffering to help my wife in her “recovery” and I certainly do not want such negative and insensitive remarks on the part of DJ Glenn Ong to demolish what I have built over the years.

World Mental Health Day is just around the corner - 10 October 2011, so please spare a thought for psychiatric patients and their caregivers who are one of the most neglected in our society.

I look forward to DJ Ong's apology.

Sincerely,

Raymond Anthony Fernando

Caregiver & Mental Health Activist

Raymond's website: www.rayofhope.per.sg/

This article is also available on The Online Citizen

http://theonlinecitizen.com/2011/09/dj-glenn-ongs-deeply-hurtful-comments/

(Raymond's interview on Open Beast (U.S. website) - click on link below

http://openbeast.com/774

Mental illness on Channel NewsAsia- 22 Sept 2011

2011-09-11T14:04:00.005+08:00

My wife, Doris and I will be appearing on TV -Channel NewsAsia on Thursday 22nd September 2011 at around 8.30pm( slightly after the news in brief). We will be in this 2nd TV episode under the new series of the popular programme - Asia Exposed. This new series begins on 15th Sept 2011 and is on every Thursday. So,keep a date with us- Thursday 22nd Sept at 8.30pm, CNA. We are featured about 5 minutes in this programme, talking about Doris' battle with schizohrenia & depression. The whole show is about 30 minutes and has others speaking about mental illness.

Raymond Anthony Fernando

Caregiver Raymond Anthony Fernando's wife falls - Urgent & desperate plea for help

2011-09-11T09:31:00.001+08:00

^11th September 2011

Mr Sam Tan

Mayor - Central Singapore CDC

Dear Mr Tan,

Caregiver Raymond Anthony Fernando's wife falls - Urgent & desperate plea for help

At 11.15pm on Saturday night, 10^th Sept 2011, my wife, Doris Lau who has advanced arthritis fell down when she tried to go to the toilet. This is the third time she has fallen down due to the weakness in her knees. It took me one solid hour to get her back into the bed because she is over 85 kilos. She now has bruises on her hands and on her knees. She also hit her head causing a bump there and her neck is painful due to the fall. I burst out in tears when that happened. I am in severe emotional pain & deeply distressed. There is absolutely no one I can turn to during such instances. Despite my pleading so much for help, through the media & other avenues, I am not getting the help/assistance which I desperately need. I am at wits end trying to get support.

Besides advanced arthritis, my wife suffers from a severe mental disorder- schizophrenia & depression that has ravaged her life for 40 years. In addition she has 4 other chronic illness which sees me having to bring her for hospitals visits/clinics at least 8 times a month. Because of the severe pain she is enduring from her advanced arthritis condition, there is a very high risk of her relapsing from her mental illness. It has happened more than twice and she had to end up being hospitalised in IMH. The costs is very high - physical, financial & emotional.

Our mental health care system needs a major overhaul because the focus is on the patient & the caregiver is conveniently forgotten. This is one reason why the illness is spreading- like wild fire.

After my wife fell down, I gave her Holy Water (that my Parish Priest gave me) to drink, placed it on her bruises and pray that she will be ok. It is extremely heart-wrenching to see my beloved wife go through this. I am worried sick that the next fall could be fatal because she is at fall risks. Or that she will be paralysed if she falls as there is a metal in her left leg following a total knee replacement that was carried out in 2006. This deep worry of her falling and hurting herself any other time just cannot go on.

I need to go out & buy food, do all her errands, sell my books to provide for the multiple needs of my wife and I do not have any peace of mind whatsoever. In such a scenario, the stress level on me - as a caregiver increases ten fold.

Attempts to get help from MOH, IMH or other providers is of no use. They just don't care!

I desperately need support especially when I'm not in the house for someone to be with Doris so that she is safe. I cannot depend on our family members because the reality is that when you are looking after a loved one with mental illness, you are all alone in this world.

Mr Sam Tan, the CDC which you are now heading needs to reach out to our marginalised communities, who undoubtedly include the mentally ill & their caregivers. Dr Teo Hon Pin has been doing a lot to help sufferers of mental illness & their families. I pray that you can do the same. For it is the only decent thing to do because we are also human beings who need love, understanding, acceptance and support.

Due to the lack of support for people with mental illness, I honestly do not feel like a Singaporean any more. We can never be an inclusive society if we do not give the support to those who need help the most. As Mother Theresa once said: "The biggest disease today is not tuberculosis or leprosy, but rather the feeling of being unwanted.”

And my wife and I, like many other mental psychiatric patients and their families feel the same way- Unwanted.

Thank you & God Bless!

Sincerely,

Raymond Anthony Fernando

Caregiver & spouse to Doris

cc: Prime Minister

Let speakers market their books - Raymond writes to the press regarding an NLB outdated policy

2011-08-31T09:12:00.002+08:00

My letter to The New Paper is published today, Wed 31^st August 2011 on page 17

Our libraries invite local writers to speak on various topics, but the management does not allow the invited speakers to market their books at any presentation. This policy is outdated and needs to be reviewed.

I have on several occasions been invited to speak at libraries on mental health issues and although the books I produce relate very much to the same subject, my requests to market these books to the invited audience have been rejected time and again by the National Library managers. No reason has been given.

Local writers can contribute much to the literary culture here and Singapore should not have such policies that hinder their development.

RAYMOND ANTHONY FERNANDO

P.S: After my letter was published, the NLB decided to allow speakers to sell their books. The letter from its Senior Director , published in TNP on 14 Sept 2011 confirms this.

Noise pollution in Singapore getting out of hand

2011-08-19T17:58:00.002+08:00

I'm having a real tough time trying to get the HDB & Town Council to work together to reduce noise pollution in my estate. Wrote a reply to the HDB's Senior Ex. and copied it to the MND Minister & also the Prime Minister. Read on...

I am really disturbed that I don't seem to be getting through to you & the rest of your colleagues in the HDB & Town Council. What a sad state of affairs!

I am copying this to the Prime Minister & your MND Minister (the former Health Minist...er who himself should understand more about the dreaded schizophrenia) so that once and for all, this noise pollution will come to an end. Residents must have peace and mind to live in their homes. After all, the PM says that he wants to make Singapore the best home to live in. My wife and I cannot be like nomads or gypsies running from place to place just because there is little or no consideration for the elderly sick and those with special needs.

The bottom line is that there is clearly a lack of understanding of mental illness or for those with special needs.

So instead of cutting to the chase, let me explain myself all over again. I hope after reading this, the message will “sink in”.

First of all, I am fully aware that contractors can carry out renovation works in HDB flats during prescribed hours. I also understand that there will be, on occasions, people moving in and out, selling their flats and others coming in to buy their flats - of which there will be some unbearable noise. I accept that. What I cannot accept is the breakdown in communication.

What I am asking for you to do is a simple task - COMMUNICATE- effectively. This is what irks Singaporeans when they are dealing with Govt. agencies. All that is needed is to keep the residents posted when hacking of floors and walls are carried out. Communicate that effectively to all of us.

This will well position me to seek out alternative accommodation for my wife and get her away from the excessive noise as this is one of the trigger factors that will cause her to suffer a relapse of her schizophrenia. It has taken me decades to manage her mental illness. I do not want to see her land in hospital year in and year out simply because Govt. agencies do not have empathy or compassion and welfare for these marginalised citizens. And the mentally ill are the most neglected in our society.

You claim that the contractor only told the residents on the 3rd floor about the hacking as my flat was on the 5th floor and as such the noise is further away. Why don't you come over and heard the unbearable noise that going on at my flat and beyond my flat and hear it for yourself? Is there any attempt by the HDB to check when renovation works are carried out so that it does not disrupt the environment and that noise is minimized?

On top of her mental condition, my wife is also at the advanced stage of arthritis- leaving her mobility severely impaired. Meaning she can hardly walk. She is on heavy medication- 44 tablets a day. I have been her caregiver for 37 solid years. Where is the support from the Govt?

Throughout the months, there is noise pollution coming from:

(a) These Clans associations – every month this is going on-chanting of prayers in the wee hours of the night, lion dancing, flags hung all around the blocks? What is the meaning of this? What happens if the Muslims, Hindus and Christians do it?

(b) Contractors using the leaf blowers to blow away the cut grass and the noise is most irritating. It can heard 400 metres way. Can't they just sweep the cut grass way, instead of spoiling the only time we can get some rest- on weekends?

(c ) Never ending renovation works

( d) Occasional wakes carried right under the void deck.
With this noise pollution all the year around, how does anyone get any rest? You tell me?

Instead of placing the emergency telephone numbers for lift breakdowns INSIDE the lifts, it is placed OUTSIDE the lifts. If you are trapped inside the lifts, how do you call the emergency number when it is not within sight?

I would therefore urge you to look into these issues and learn to provide a better service for the residents, bearing in mind those with special needs and keep us posted of any future renovation works. I am also appalled that the Town Councils and HDB cannot work as a team. "This is not my area, this is the HDB's job, this is not the Town Council's job, this the HDB 's job?" This I have heard up teem times. Can you all just work as a team in the interests of all Singaporeans/residents.?

I await your reply- hopefully it will be a more positive one, this time around.

In closing, may I take you back in time and draw your attention to another letter that I wrote to the press on noise polution. I would have thought that something would have been done, but nothing came out of it. Then what is the use of giving feedback to the Govt?

http://www.rayofhope.per.sg/images/letterstomedia-2-l.jpg

Thank you,

Sincerely,

Raymond Anthony Fernando

Catholics can become a collective voice for our marginalised communities

2011-08-19T17:26:00.000+08:00

- Mark Twain -

I brushed away this thought, only to see it resurrected again during my journey as a caregiver to my wife, Doris who has to struggle with mental illness amongst other health ailments.

I am so encouraged and uplifted by our Archbishop's National Day message 2011 in which he has called upon Catholics to raise our voices on behalf on those who are unable to correct injustices in our society. I have prayed so hard for this day to come.

Russian-born American writer Elie Wiesel, the 1986 Nobel Peace Prize Laureate, once said: “The opposite of love is not hate; it’s indifference.” For more than 35 years, I have witnessed the blatant discrimination that sufferers of mental illness face everyday in their lonely lives.

The citizens that could certainly do with more support and a bigger voice are our marginalised communities who include the handicapped, the elderly sick and the mentally ill; to name a few.

In any country, activists served an important role and in many instances they provide a community service because Governments may not necessary be aware of what is happening on the ground. This where advocacy can help to bring about change. As Catholics, we have a duty to speak out for our brothers and sisters in Christ who are isolated and suffering day in and day out.

Many people in society, even educated ones, are still indifferent to the mentally ill. A large number of people choose to remain indifferent because of fear. Their fear and lack of understanding of mental illness often leave the afflicted shunned and discriminated against. This fear, when left unchecked, will continue to obstruct moves toward a more compassionate society, in which we care more humanely for the mentally ill within our community.

Singapore has done well in meeting the basic needs of its citizens such as a good education system, health and housing needs, and a safe and clean environment. However, there is still an urgent and dire need to facilitate the inclusion of marginalised communities who do not have the same sense of belonging in a society that is bent on economic excellence.

As our country celebrates its 46th birthday and journeys towards becoming an inclusive society and caring nation, it must bear in mind that there will always be people who may need more help and support. And undoubtedly, the mentally challenged, the lonely elderly, the handicapped and their families are some of those who need a great deal of help.

Raymond Anthony Fernando

Singapore 560601

PM 's National Day Rally speech reactions: Check brutal online chatter more closely

2011-08-19T08:25:00.000+08:00

My letter on the above subject is published in The New Paper Today, Friday 19 August 2011, page 26.

Governments all over the world are realising that terrorists are becoming more and more dangerous.

They seek to destroy lives and create havoc in the world.

As technology advances, there emerges another group of people who seem to want to destroy lives - anonymous online users who make insensitive and hurtful comments that hurt innocent people.

During his National Day Rally speech last Sunday the Prime Minister (Lee Hsien Loong), though acknowledging the importance of healthy debate, was also concerned about insensitive comments made anonymously that could divide society.

An article, Online Readers Need A Chance To Comment, But Not To Abuse, in the Washington Post, last April, still applies.

The paper's ombudsman Andrew Alexander wrote that while online chatter has been typically “rowdy” , postings that are “brutal.. can be unexpected and devastating.

Such insensitive and hurtful comments are also alive on Singapore's discussion boards and blogs .

There is no easy way to stop or confront the person behind these malicious attacks simply because the commenter choose to remain anonymous.

To help stamp out online venom and prevent rowdy commentators from “shooting from the hip”, I suggest the following:

. All discussion boards must be moderated more closely. Harmful or insensitive postings must be rejected.

. Administrators of all online discussion boards should make it a requirement that users register their full name and identity card number before they are allowed to engage in discussions or debates.

. Netizens must also sign a declaration that they will not pass any insensitive, malicious comments or personal attacks on any individual or company.

RAYMOND ANTHONY FERNANDO

Coming your way- Raymond's new book "You by my side - How to stay happy in a marriage & how to value relationships "

2011-08-06T19:30:00.004+08:00

I am currently working on a new book, entitled, "You by my side - How to stay happy in a marriage and how to value relationships" , the front cover of which is shown above.

Synopsis of " You by my side- How to stay happy in a marriage and how to value relationships"

All couples on their wedding day are confident that their marriage would last forever. They are all filled with hope when they say the magic words, “ I do” to their partner. But the harsh reality is that divorce rates are getting higher. Living in a fast paced society has led to more and more couples throwing in the towel when they can no longer live harmoniously together. Many married couples go through life without really understanding the key elements that make their relationships succeed or fail.

Courting couples have all the time in the world to make time for each other. There is a lot of patience when couples date one another. But when they live with each other - day in and day out - it's a totally different scenario. Couples, because of the stresses of life tend to get on each others’ nerves.

Troubled by the increasing number of divorce cases in Singapore, Raymond Anthony Fernando has decided to share his secrets on his successful married life in this book. Aptly titled, “You by my side - How to stay happy in a marriage and how to value relationships", this book is a must read not only for married couples but also for anyone who values human relationships.

Raymond, having been married blissfully for 37 years counting, will touch on why marriages fail, the sanctity of marriage and share useful tips on how to strengthen the marriage bonds. If you are already married, “You by my side -How to stay happy in a marriage and how to value relationships" will help uplift you when you face adversity, because all marriages are like roller coaster rides – with ups and downs. Couples who are planning to get married will find this book most encouraging, as it will reveal the strong emotional support that is crucial in keeping relationships alive.

The book is expected to cost between $18- $20.

Letter to The New Paper: Better subsidy for the disabled, please

2011-08-05T08:02:00.000+08:00